A few years ago, I was single and decided to try my luck here on Facebook. I’d go through profiles and send friend requests, just to talk to guys and see how things might go. One day, I sent a friend request to a guy named Micah. He accepted it immediately. The minute I saw the notification, I sent him a simple, “Hi”. Within a few seconds I got a “Hello” from him. That was the beginning of everything.

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We started chatting all day, every day, as if we had known each other forever. Two months into the talking stage, we both decided to start a relationship. Nobody proposed. He said he liked me and I also said I liked him. That was it.

We were always exchanging pictures. “What are you doing?” He would ask, “Send me a picture and let me see you.”

We shared so much between us. The only line we never crossed was sharing nude photos.

At the time we met, I was unemployed but along the line, I got a job. My official closing time was 8 PM, but I always made excuses and closed earlier just so I could talk to him. We would talk during my walk home until I got to the house, and sometimes even beyond that. He liked to have me on the phone until he was ready to sleep.

I started doing this when I found out he wasn’t in Ghana. He only revealed his location to me when we were three months into the relationship. I let him know I wasn’t pleased with the secrecy and he apologized. But I think I should have seen this behavior as a red flag.

As we kept talking, I learned he wasn’t into women who had a lot of past experiences. And since I was a virgin, that made me feel even more emotionally connected to him. I thought I was special. It turned out he just wanted someone he could easily control.

He wasn’t the type to shout when he was angry. He would just go silent and expect me to apologize even when he was the one at fault.

I saw all this but I told myself, “No one is perfect. Let me manage him like that.”

Slowly, he started doing things to manipulate me. I knew but I made excuses for him. To prove his commitment to me, he made me talk to his family and friends here in Ghana. I, on the other hand, didn’t feel safe enough to introduce him to my parents.

Regardless of the hiccups, we started planning marriage. I kept telling myself, “He just needs to know I am committed to him and he will loosen his grip.”

Oh, but things got worse. He would randomly video call me at work just to confirm I was actually there. He wanted to be on video call constantly. He didn’t want me to celebrate my birthday or attend other people’s birthday parties. In fact, no outings or celebrations of any kind. He just wanted me to be at home or work all the time.

Once, he even asked me to hand the phone to my boss during a video call, just so he would be sure I was at work. The audacity!

Despite all this, I stayed. I thought maybe he just cared a little too much.

However, everything changed the day he found out I was still talking to my ex. He got angry and said all sorts of hurtful things to me. As he ranted, I stayed quiet on the phone, silently thanking God for the fight. Because I knew he would finally break up with me and set me free.

Just to clear the air, I never took even ten pesewas from him. Not a dime. So it wasn’t as if he was investing anything in me to be that possessive.

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After that fight, I stopped texting him because I was always the one starting the conversations anyway. As I type this now, it’s been years since we spoke. So I guess the relationship is over.

I’ve made up my mind that never again will I date someone I met on Facebook. I learned my lesson the hard way. I can’t even type everything that happened here.

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As for my ex, the one Micah found out I was talking to, we still talk as friends. I enjoy our conversations. He still wants to be with me, but I’m not emotionally ready for anything yet.

I’m currently working on a few personal projects so I want to focus on them. Once I’m done, I’ll marry him if he is still single. If he’s still married by then, I’ll just stay single for life. I don’t have it me to meet someone new and start this relationship thing all over again.

—Abrefi

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