He was abusing me but I couldn’t leave the relationship. He was the only one who had loved me for a very long time. When I needed something he provided it. He would insult me and call me every despicable name but he would give me what I needed. Many times when  I thought of leaving him, his words would come ringing in my ears, “Who’ll love you the way I do? The day you leave me, you’ll regret it and come back but I won’t take you back.”

I caught him cheating. The girl involved was my friend’s sister. A minor. Let’s say sixteen years. They were in his room when I walked in on them. He was trying to kiss the girl. The girl pulled away from him, begging him not to do it. He blamed me for catching him. “Why did you come here when you haven’t told me you were coming? How dare you walk into my room without knocking?”

The poor little girl was shaking. She might have thought I was going to do something to her; attack her or even tell her sister what I’d seen. I looked into her scared eyes and said in my head, “Don’t worry kid. We are both victims. Maybe willing victims but one day we’ll learn our lessons.”

That wasn’t the last time I caught him cheating. He made excuses for his behaviour. Sometimes when he was in the mood, he would apologize to me. I would feel loved and forgive him. It didn’t happen often that Robert would apologize so when he did, it sounded like music in my ears.

I met Nana along the line. He liked me and I knew it. I didn’t want to give him the chance to propose to me so I played the disappearing game with him. He caught up with me one day and said, “What are you running from, me? I don’t mean any harm. I only need a chance to be in a relationship with you. You can say no and I will understand but you don’t have to run away from me.”

I said no but he didn’t understand.

He asked why. He promised he would be a better boyfriend. He said I was too beautiful he couldn’t take his eyes off me. His words were sweet so I didn’t close the door on him. I even called him often just to hear him say sweet things to me.

Where Robert’s light went dim, Nana’s light shone brighter. Robert wouldn’t chat with me the whole day but Nana will stay on the phone with me the whole day. Robert didn’t say good night or good morning to me ever but Nana did. He even added appellations to make my head swell. Like, “Good morning, Queen. I dreamt of you.” “Good night my angel, dream of good things.”

Sweet words kept coming until the walls I built around myself came crumbling down. I said yes to Nana. I made him my escape plan. “I will date him until I get the courage to leave Robert.”

It was easy to date both of them because Robert was largely absent. He wasn’t the guy to call me at awkward times to raise suspicion. He wasn’t all over me for someone to see us and ask who we were. He only came around when he needed sex. He would act all possessive to prove that he owned me but once the sex was over, he would take a break and come again later. I’m embarrassed saying all this about him and still stayed. What was I thinking about? Did I hate myself that much to be with someone like that?

I dated Nana on the side for four months until one day he asked me, “Who’s Robert?” I shook visibly. My heart was racing. My eyes couldn’t stay still. He asked again, “Who’s Robert?” I had no option but to lie; “He’s just a friend. Why do you ask?”

He had read our messages. It sounded like we were dating but he couldn’t get any concrete evidence to confirm that we were dating. That’s how Robert was. He never texted about love or said anything that felt like love in messages. Nana couldn’t get anything to prove we were lovers. I escaped but I felt I had to do something about me and Robert. I planned to break up with him but guess what happened?

READ ALSO: My Uncontrollable Desire For Men Has Been My Headache For Over Six Years

One day I was with Nana in his room, walking around topless when we heard a knock on his door. I saw him get up to the door. Nothing told me I should go and wear a dress because the one knocking could come in. Nana opened the door to allow the one knocking to come in. Guess who walked in, Robert.

He started clapping. For some reason, I wasn’t scared or shocked or anything. He called me ashawo. He said, “You see your end? What didn’t I do for you? Or you thought you could cheat on me and go scot-free?”

I smiled. I looked around for my top. Nana added, “She told me you were just a friend but I knew you couldn’t just be a friend. Women and lies.”

I put on my top and started leaving. Robert held my hand and pulled me back to himself. He screamed, “Stop! Where do you think you’re going?” I was calm. I had zero fear. I looked at him and said calmly, “If you dare touch me again, you two will end up in police custody. You’ll regret ever knowing me. You think I’m your child you can push around?” I turned to Nana and said, “I thought you were a human. You’ll soon face what you deserve.”

Robert kept screaming “ashawo” while I left the room for them.

Nana was the master planner. He sent a text to Robert to discuss me. He showed him our chats and photos. He was the brain behind their coming together to embarrass me. They didn’t embarrass me. They ended up throwing me in a direction I should have found for myself long ago. They set me free. I broke up with them but I cried. I cried for days. I was embarrassed not because they caught me in my sins. I was embarrassed for allowing myself to go through all that.

They became friends. They jubilated on their Whatsapp status. They went out together and posted about how they met. I remember a post Robert did. He posted a photo of himself and Nana and captioned it, “She thought she was cheating on us but look at us now.” Nana also did the same. He dedicated one day to sharing the whole story on his WhatsApp status and concluded it by saying, “Fear women and fear who no fear women.

Months later, Robert was back in my inbox. He wanted his fool back. He went around the sun and didn’t find a fool like me so he came saying, “I’ve forgiven you because I’m the only one who can love you like that.” Nana also came back. His was subtle. He came with apologies. He said he regretted setting me up for ridicule. He told me he had thought about the whole thing and his spirit didn’t feel right about it. “What if he harmed you when he came around? Forgive me.”

What Would You Do For A Friend Who Has 24 Hours To Live?

I was no longer the fool they used to know. I accepted their apologies. I told them I’d forgiven them long ago because it was also my fault. I lied and the lies caught up with me. When they persisted for another chance, I blocked them so this fool could have time to learn from her mistakes and grow up.

–Lovelace

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