I was 16 when I met Corne at the market where my mother owns a shop. He asked for directions, and I pointed him to the place. Then he asked for my number. I didn’t think twice before giving it to him. My mother is quite strict so rarely do men approach me with romantic intentions. Maybe that’s why I saw my interactions with him as purely innocent.

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When I closed from the market that evening, he called me. He asked where I lived, and I told him. I thought he just wanted to know. It didn’t occur to me that it was because he wanted to visit me. Nobody visits me because of my mum. I guess he didn’t know that.

He came to my house that night and I met him outside. I asked if he would like to come inside and have a seat. He shook his head and said, “No, you said your parents are not home. It would be disrespectful of me to enter your house in their absence.” This made me believe he was a gentleman.

During that first conversation, he said he was a 26-year-old master’s student who worked as a farmer. That night, we spoke for hours. He was open with me in a way that made me trust him. He said he had a one-year-old son with a woman he was no longer dating.

“Now I am looking for someone who would give me peace of mind.”

I said, “Okay.”

Before he left, he kissed my hand and asked me to walk him off. On the walk, he gave me advice about school, considering I was preparing to start university.

Two days later, he invited me to a hotel nearby. He said it was for us to get to know each other better. We were talking when he suddenly slipped his hand into my trousers. I wasn’t comfortable, but I didn’t stop him. He touched me, then stopped. I went home feeling dirty and guilty. I couldn’t tell him so I just blocked him.

He didn’t leave me alone. He stalked me until we started talking again. Then another hotel invite. This time, he kissed me and said that since I was a virgin, he wouldn’t do anything unless I agreed. I didn’t agree for him to go all the way so he didn’t.

When it was time for me to start school, my parents sent me to an expensive university out of town. I had my own place over there. They trusted me enough to let me live alone.

The very night I settled in, he came to see me. He got touchy. He wanted to play. He said he wouldn’t go all the way, just the tip. I said no but he did it anyway.

Two weeks later, he came back and cooked for us while I was in class. He stayed the night too. That was the day he went in fully.

I found out five months into the relationship that he was actually 31 and not 26. By then, I had also turned 17. Even when I thought he was 26, I knew our relationship was wrong. But 31 was just too much. Once again I blocked him.

The next day, he came to my place and created a scene. He kept shouting that I shouldn’t leave him. He said he’d forgive me even if I was with another man. I opened the door to avoid public embarrassment. He apologised for lying. He also admitted that he wasn’t a student but a managing director of a company.

During the holidays, he told me his son would be staying with him. Months later, he told me his baby mama was pregnant with their second child. He claimed he was drunk when it happened. She came to live with him until she gave birth, then stayed four more months. I knew all this but I stayed.

He had two phones. I didn’t care about checking them, but he had access to mine. One day he gave me one of his phones to watch movies. By mistake, I opened a notification and saw messages from multiple women. I started to read them, but he took the phone from me and angrily left.

I was also upset because of the things I saw on his phone. I told myself that I am done with him this time. I blocked him everywhere. I was determined to move on.

Then he came to buy something from my mother’s shop while I was home for holidays. Seeing him made me nostalgic. I suddenly wanted him back. I even cancelled my holiday plans, then lied to my parents that I was going for an educational event, so I could spend a month at his new place.

After I left, I discovered I was pregnant. He did it intentionally to keep me bound to him. I was 18 and in school. A baby was not part of the plan for me then. With a friend’s help, I had a safe termination. He was angry when I told him but I was relieved it was done.

Eventually, I finished school, got a job, and three months before my 20th birthday, our families met for introductions and counselling. My parents gave him the dowry list. He was supposed to bring the items within a month but he had to postpone payment due to family issues. The next month, my parents rejected him without explanation. No matter what I said, they insisted I wouldn’t marry him.

I rebelled against them. I quit my job, packed my stuff, and moved in with him. He was the one who proposed the idea, and I also went along with it.

On the first day, he talked me into getting pregnant. Two months later, I was pregnant. That’s when the scales fell off. I discovered he was still with his baby mama when we started dating. She left because he cheated on her with me. They were together for ten years. Apart from his lies, he was a terrible father, brother, and boss. I had seen all these red flags before but I didn’t accept them. Living with him made them too glaring to be ignored.

While I was pregnant, he travelled to cheat. To protect my heart, I started to withdraw emotionally. I told him I wouldn’t marry him and that I would leave him after giving birth.

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By the time the pregnancy was full term, I had moved on emotionally. I was ready to have my baby and bounce. Sadly, after a long and painful labour that ended in a C-section, my baby didn’t make it.

I believe in karma. People say it’s ruthless. I think this happened to me because I was the other woman in his relationship with his baby mama. Whatever pain she felt when he cheated, I was part of it. But karma wasn’t fair to me. I was also a victim. I was lied to, manipulated, and used. So why take my baby away from me?

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Whenever I look in the mirror, I whisper, “I’m sorry”—not to myself, but to her. I didn’t get the chance to know her, but I know she went through a lot when she was growing inside me. I must have caused her pain all those times I was enduring the pain of being with Corne.

The harm has already been done. I have left him just as I planned. I’m doing my best to move on but the impact from everything I went through is too much. Losing myself in an attempt to love him and losing my baby, it’s all just too much. I’m damaged in every way a person can possibly be damaged.

—Macie

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