I am a 21-year-old student in my final year. Since my first year, I have given in to many guys because I believed a man would save me. Not to play any blame game, but at home, there were constant fights between my mom and my dad or my dad and one of us. For me, the only way I could find comfort was through men, so men became my escape. Hardly do I make male friends who do not want to touch me. I let them, without asking for money. They get what they want, I get what I want, and at the end of the day, everybody wins, with no sore losers. Still, I feel like I let myself down all the time, and I am not valued. It is seriously affecting my studies. To make matters worse, people say I am attractive, but I cannot see it.

Right now, I am dating four guys, and I am thinking of cutting them all off.

READ ALSO: Would You Marry a Man Who Prefers a Body Type You Don’t Have?

There is one I click with so much, but he only wants friendship, not a relationship. Yet, I keep going to him whenever he asks for shuperu

Another one has money, a “dbee.” He asked for my help to clean his house, and I offered to do it. Somehow, in the midst of cleaning the house, washing the bowls, and making meals, we picked up a little conversation, and he said he had fallen in love with me. Aside from falling in love with me, he also wants to sleep with me, though I have turned him down several times. Now he talks about marriage, but he is future-faking, so I ignore his calls and fake love messages.

The third guy actively supports me in school, paying for at least half of what I need to stay in class.

The fourth guy, I didn’t like, but he kept coming back to say he liked me, pleading until I accepted, even though I do not like him at all.

You might ask where my female friends are. I look for compatibility, but my current female friends are not heading in the direction I want to go, and the social circle I actually want does not accept me. So, I made a promise to leave them be.

Many of the guys I have dated harassed and abused me. I am not trying to make excuses, but I desperately need a way to stop all this and focus on my life. And no, I do not go to church because I am traumatized.

I want to leave this lifestyle and find work to occupy my thoughts because I do not want to deal with men anymore. All they offer is sex and nothing more, and it is draining me.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I love events and dressing up. I enjoy looking good, wearing the clothes I like, and going out to have a good time. Dressing up makes me feel good about myself, and I do not think I should have to give that up just to make a man comfortable. Unfortunately, some of the men I have encountered seem to think that a woman who loves sexy dresses must be a certain kind of person. They are quick to judge her, question her character, or accuse her of being a whore simply because she enjoys showing off her body or looking attractive.

I find myself wishing I could marry a white man. I imagine being with someone who would appreciate the way I dress, enjoy going to events with me, and allow me to express myself without constantly questioning my character. Maybe I have built this picture in my mind because I have not found that kind of acceptance in the relationships I have experienced so far. I know that being white does not automatically make a man more understanding or respectful, but I cannot help wishing for a different experience from the ones I have had. Most African men will accuse you of being a whore because you love dressing sexily.

I just need a place where I will be accepted for once, without needing to date or tolerate these men. What are your thoughts on this?

—Eva

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB<>