My husband and I have been married for four years and moved from Ghana to the UK shortly after our wedding. While he initially sponsored our move, I worked full-time to pay the remaining £12,000 of his tuition fees.

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We have a daughter who will be two years old this March. She has been living with my parents in Ghana for the past year due to our work and school schedules. Since she moved, my husband’s only financial contribution has been for her school fees. I personally cover the costs for her clothes and food, which I ship from the UK, while my parents cover her remaining needs.

I am very generous with my in-laws. Every year, I spend approximately £300 on groceries and gift them 1,000 Ghana cedis each. I also frequently buy items for my sister-in-law and her children. They are very appreciative of these gestures.

In contrast, my husband only sends my parents a small gift of groceries worth 500 GHS once a year. He expects them to call and confirm receipt, but my parents are not the type to call and say thank you even to me when I send much larger gifts. I feel that what he provides is insufficient, especially since they are caring for our child and I do so much for his family.

I am struggling with how to handle this. I do not want to ask him to give more since it is a gift, but I am considering asking him to stop altogether because the small gesture causes more friction than it is worth. I am also debating whether I should stop my own contributions to his family so that we each only remain responsible for our own parents.

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I currently work, attend school, pay my own tuition, and split the household bills with my husband. What do you think is the best way  to navigate this issue without causing any bruises to my marriage?

—Ellen

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