I was heavily pregnant when my husband lost his job. All of a sudden, life became bleak. We would lie in bed at night but never really sleep. We would both toss and turn until the cock crowed and morning finally came. I had something going on, but it wasn’t enough to support my husband, our unborn child, and me. I prayed and fasted. He attended interviews, and they all ended with, “You’ll hear from us.”

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Months later, I gave birth to a baby boy who came with health complications, and we had to pay his medical bills with the little money we had. By the time we were discharged from the hospital, we were exhausted, both physically and financially. What made it worse was the fact that our rent was also due.

I was shaken. My husband was restless. He told me how much was left in his savings and pleaded with me to add whatever I could so we could pay at least one year’s rent.

I asked him, “What will we eat after we pay the rent?”

He exhaled loudly and said, “That’s the question. I pray I find something to do very soon.”

Out of frustration, I spoke to my dad, and he told me the tenants in his other house would be moving out in a month, so we should wait and move into the place for the meantime.

I thanked him and jumped for joy. When I told my husband, he held my hand, and we went together to thank my dad. My dad said, “I can understand. I hope this takes away the burden for a while.”

For over six years, we’ve lived in my father’s house without paying rent. We’ve had two more children, and my husband is doing well—well enough to have bought a new car just last year. I’ve also changed jobs and now earn a little more than I did at my previous job.

My dad died two years ago, and as the eldest daughter, my mom and our youngest sibling immediately became my responsibility.

My mom is retired, so every month I send her money and also send something to my younger sister. My mom fell seriously ill, and her medical bills kept piling up. I went broke and became scared at the same time. I didn’t want to lose my mom, so I went to my husband and asked for help.

He told me he was going to help me with a certain amount, but days turned into weeks, and all he gave me were excuses.

I later went back to him, with frustration written all over my face, and asked him to give me a loan instead. My younger sister had to go to school, and I needed money to pay her fees and give her pocket money. Luckily for me, my brother took care of the school fees.

My husband said softly, “Do you think if I had the money, I wouldn’t have given it to you long ago? I don’t have it, and I can’t steal it.”

Eventually, I took a loan from my office to ensure my mom got well enough to be discharged. I learned a painful lesson that day—that I had no support from my husband and that when push came to shove, I would be left alone to struggle.

I told him, “My mom is not working. This house we live in belongs to her. I want us to start paying rent to her so she can survive on the little income that comes her way.”

My husband didn’t dignify my suggestion with a response, but I wasn’t going to let it slide.

The next time I brought it up, I came prepared.

“So I’ve asked around. Even the two-bedroom houses around the corner are renting for GHC2,000 a month. This is a three-bedroom self-contained house. Let’s pay the old lady GHC2,000 a month. I think that’s fair.”

He smiled mischievously.

“I know it’s because I couldn’t give you the money that you’re doing all this. I can’t pay the kids’ school fees, feed this family, and still pay GHC2,000 a month in rent.”

I quickly replied, “You know I’m a supportive wife. I pay the utility bills in this house and even pay for maintenance because the house belongs to my family. Paying this rent would be the least you can do, especially considering you haven’t paid any rent for over six years.”

The argument became heated. He said I was punishing him because he couldn’t help with the bills.

I accepted that.

“Maybe if you had given me a little help, we wouldn’t have gotten to this point. I have siblings. They all have a stake in this property, but look at us taking everything away from them.”

When the month ended, I asked him for the rent. He gave me the cold shoulder, but the woman my parents raised doesn’t know how to back down. So I kept asking, whispering about it, talking about it, shouting about it, and nagging him until he had enough and snapped.

“I can’t afford that rent. Maybe I’ll rent a single room somewhere and move. Whether you decide to follow me or not is your business.”

I said, “Fine. I’ll be happy if you do that. This house can easily bring in GHC3,000 a month. My mom will be better off. But as long as you remain here, you’ll have to pay rent until we both move into the new house you’re going to rent.”

It’s been two months, and he hasn’t paid me a dime. He often gives me the silent treatment these days just to avoid the conversation about the rent.

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So I told him we have one month to move out because my mom has found a tenant for the house.

He still doesn’t want to do anything. Maybe he thinks I’m lying. So next month, I’ll pack my things and go and live with my mom. There’s enough space there for me and the kids. He can go wherever he wants, and this house will be rented out.

Am I being unreasonable? If I’m pushing him too far, please tell me, and I will stop. I still want this marriage, but I don’t want what it has become.

—Maame U 

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