My girlfriend lives with me because she hit a hard patch with her rent. She lost her job along the line and for a whole year she didn’t have a job. I was the one taking care of her until her rent expired. By then, she had gotten a job, but there were no savings to pay her rent, so I asked her to come and live with me until we could figure something out.

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So for the last four months, we’ve lived together. I pay for everything, and I even give her transportation money to work. The other time, I heard her talking on the phone with someone. She said, “Oh no, you can’t come here. I live with my brother and he’s strict. Let me know when you’re ready and I will come.”

She had a huge lock on her phone, so I couldn’t get into it to see the person she was talking to. I was angry and disturbed at the same time. So I asked her to tell me who that was and why she told the person I was her brother. She said the person she was talking to was a lady and not a guy.

“A lady? Let’s say I’m your brother. Your brother will get angry because a lady visited you?”

She said she told her that just so she wouldn’t come and see where she lived. I said, “Let me see the call log and how you’ve saved the number. That’s the only way I would believe you.”

We talked. We argued. We nearly exchanged blows, but this girl wouldn’t open her phone. Later she said, “I know you’re doing all this because I live in your house. I will leave.”

I didn’t wait for her to land, and I started throwing her things out of the door. She thought I was joking, but a few minutes later, her things were outside and I had closed my door. She pleaded, but I was too far gone with anger to listen to her. She picked a bag and a few things, and she said, “I will come for these later. Please keep them inside for me.”

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She has been gone for five days and we haven’t talked. I don’t even know where she is, but I suspect she’s perching with her best friend. I’m feeling guilty about the way it all happened. I feel I treated her harshly, and maybe I should talk to her and settle this, but my problem is why she wouldn’t show me the number even when it was clear that I was throwing her things out. Was I too harsh on her? Isn’t it obvious she was arranging things with another man?

—Kwame

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