My marriage became very boring and routine, and the sad thing was, both of us did nothing to bring a spark to the marriage. I did something from the beginning. I tried to bring back some of the things we did while we were dating, but anytime I suggested an outing or talked about fun stuff, she used our baby as an excuse.

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I was there to help. We could even send the baby to her mom, but she told me the baby was too young to be left in the hands of others. I felt lonely. I felt like the baby was the priority in the house. I didn’t hate it or get mad about it. I only felt we could do more than just be a couple babysitting.

Grace came along, a young lady who had finished her national service yet was still working in the office with the hope that she would be employed. At first, she was just that girl, but all that changed when we had to share an office. She talked about the fun she had during the weekend, the places she went, the people she met, the music she danced to.

I jokingly asked her to invite me one day, and Grace made it her sole aim to get me to go out with her one day. I did. I felt young again. It was as if the battery in me had been recharged. It was a whole new world for me, and I decided to embrace it fully, lying to my wife about it and doing what I thought brought light into my life.

One late Friday evening, when I was leaving the office with Grace, she begged me to drive her to her house so she could change into something new and go to a place on the way to my house. I agreed. It was the first time I had ever been in her house. It started from a kiss, and then it went all the way. She asked me, “How long have you been planning to do this?” I answered, “I didn’t plan it. It just happened.”

So it became a thing between us. When we had a chance, even when we didn’t have a chance, we created it so we could do it. She wanted something that had a name. She asked who we were and what we were doing sleeping together when we hadn’t proposed to each other. That day, we put a name to it. I called her my girlfriend, and she said she didn’t mind being my girlfriend because she loved me that much.

A few months later, when the connection between us had grown to the extent that we couldn’t live a day without each other, she got a different job and left my office. That was the pinnacle of everything. I think my wife saw the change in me, and she even asked questions. She wasn’t straight to the point. She kept asking what woman was keeping me busy, especially when she saw me texting late or coming home from work very late.

She suspected something was happening in my life. Aside from everything, I still loved her, so I tried not to change anything. As a friend said to me one day, “You can only cheat in peace when you put your home right.” That friend had a degree in cheating, so he taught me this lesson. If my wife wasn’t smiling, I wouldn’t leave home. If she needed something, I wouldn’t give that thing to Grace and leave my wife out. I played my role as a husband perfectly so I could cheat in peace.

Slowly, Grace and I made it through a year together. She had become my everything. I don’t know how to make this make sense. I love my wife, but my side chick was my everything. When I didn’t hear from her, it felt like something was missing in my life, like a piece had been moved to a different place and I had to bring it back.

One day Grace told me, “Tell me, what’s the future like between the two of us? What do we stand to gain in this affair that’s consuming us?”

My heart skipped a beat. I thought she had found someone else and was looking for a reason to break us up. We talked. I told her everything I felt about her and how I wished what we had could continue forever. “You know that’s not possible, right?” she asked me. I looked at her without words to say. A few days later, I woke up in the morning to see my wife holding my phone. She asked, “Who’s Grace?”

My heart somersaulted in my chest, and all of a sudden the world started spinning right in front of me. I thought she had gone through my phone all night and had found out about me and Grace. I rubbed my face with my hand and asked, “What? Who’s who?” She answered, “I just saw her missed call on your phone.”

She gave me the phone and walked away. My wife isn’t the weak type. If she found out about Grace today, tomorrow she would be gone. All day I was scared. I still thought she had found out and was pretending, even when everything she did pointed in a different direction.

I love my wife. I would do life again with her in my next life without thinking twice. She’s perfect. What we have is perfect. Four years of marriage and we haven’t met any moment that threatened our union. She plays her role boringly, but she does it, and I know she doesn’t deserve this cheating thing. But the thought of leaving Grace also makes me shiver. My life seems incomplete without her. If my wife is the light, then it’s Grace who turns it on.

Sometimes I regret finding myself in this situation where I know my marriage will be in the emergency ward should my wife find out about Grace, yet I can’t leave Grace. When I get the slightest hint of another man coming into her life, the way my heart beats out of sync is scary. It’s like one day I will fall flat and die because of Grace.

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I’m here today to ask for direction. How do I cut myself off from this situation? How do I let Grace go, someone who has become the centerpiece of my current life? If you ask me to choose, I’ll choose my wife and add Grace, but that’s not possible. I can’t lose my marriage. So I have to lose Grace before her presence kills my marriage. How do I do that? Please don’t judge me. It has taken me a lot of courage to share this. Give me answers if any.

—Derrick

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