Although we call ourselves a married couple, he has never paid a dime as dowry. Nor did he pay damages after impregnating me while I was still in school. Technically, I am not his wife. I’m just a woman who has lived with him for years and borne him three children.

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My parents warned me not to get involved with him, but I didn’t listen. I believed I was in love. At the time, I was 19 and he was 39. Now, after living with him for eight years, I realize I should have listened to them.

When it comes to arrogance, he has a PhD. He is rude, toxic, and constantly insults me. He hid this side of himself until I moved in with him. By then, I was a pregnant school dropout with no future prospects.

I can’t believe I got trapped with a man who behaves like a prostitute. He has been cheating on me with different women since the beginning of our relationship, and he’s still doing it.

Whenever he’s been with another woman during the day, he comes home and treats me like I don’t matter. He insults and disrespects me as though I’m worthless.

I’ve come to know him so well that anytime he lashes out at me for no reason, I check his phone. And I always find something when I do.

Just two days ago, he came home angry and started shouting again. Later, I checked his phone and found messages between him and one of his exes. Ironically, he had earlier asked me how to contact someone on Facebook without being friends. I helped him. Not knowing, he was going to use that information to find her.

In their chats, he told her how much he had missed her over the years. He said they should reconnect and, although he was now married, she was the one who was supposed to be his wife. Not me. I was hurt and angry, but I kept calm. I wanted to see just how far he would take it.

It’s not even like he has money to offer these women. He is so broke he can barely provide for the children and me. We’re living in a house that belongs to his cousin. Given his current situation, I don’t believe he’ll ever build a home for us. Not even in the next ten years.

I run a small boutique, but he takes items and money from it without paying back. Because of this, the business isn’t growing. I struggle to make enough from it to meet my own needs. I’ve become  dependent on him.

Whenever we argue, and he stops giving me money for food, the children and I end up starving for days, sometimes weeks. I’ve even developed gastric issues from the constant hunger.

I’ve never told my relatives what I’m going through. But now, I feel I need to. I’m tired—mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’m ready to admit to them that I gave up my ambitions and abandoned my education for a man who was never worthy of me.

Last year, the children spent their school holidays with his sister. She wants to take them again this year. But my family hasn’t seen them in a long time, and they’ve asked to have the kids spend this summer with them. My husband has always refused such requests, saying, “Your family lives in a war zone. How can I send my children there?”

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But their area has remained safe. So this year, I’ve decided to go against him and send the kids to my family. I made this decision after reading his messages to his ex. If he believes she should have been his wife instead of me, then it’s time he sees what life looks like without me.

If he tries to stop me, I will insist that he pays my bride price before laying any claim to the children.

You Can’t Ask What A Woman Uses Her Money For

I’ll use the time away to reassess my life. I can’t keep living at his mercy. Things have to change. I need to find my feet again and rebuild my life. I know it won’t be easy, but I’m ready to try.

The question is, where do I start? I need all the guidance I can get.

—Emma 

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