I suspect my boyfriend is planning to get married behind my back. Then he will return to me and pretend, placing me in that situation where he says, “I love you, but my wife forced me to marry her.” He wants to look into one bottle with two eyes, and that makes him a very greedy person.

We started two years ago, and up until last year, everything felt right. My pastor said he wanted to see him. That is a good thing, isn’t it? I have been loud, if not proud, about him. I speak of him every chance I get. At church, with my parents, my siblings, my friends. His name sits on the tip of my tongue and rolls off easily, without effort.

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He makes me happy. He makes the butterflies in my stomach dance for joy. He earns little, but he tries. He provides for my needs when I ask. Everything I have written here in my journal about my future husband, he has it.

So when I told him my pastor wanted to meet him, his face changed. It was like watching clouds gather before a storm. We had not even started talking seriously about the next step, not really, but still, what was there to fear? He asked what my pastor wanted. I told him the truth. I did not know exactly, but likely to ask about his intentions, his plans for me. My pastor is like a second father to me. There is nothing frightening about that.

That was last year. We went round and round that conversation, but he would not budge. I found myself fabricating excuses just to protect him, just to make sure my pastor would not see him as unserious.

There is also the issue of his mother. He does not want me to speak to her. I have asked, more than once. Each time, he says, “When the right time comes, you will speak with her, not now.” I ask him when the right time is, and he turns it on me. “Oh, you know, very soon.” But very soon never comes.

That is when my suspicions began to grow.

In December, he posted his friend’s wedding invitation, congratulating him. I imagined people asking him when it would be his turn. Then he posted on his status, “Oh me too, my own will come very soon.” When I saw it, it felt like cold water had been poured over me. Still, I stayed calm. I told myself he must be talking about us. Even though he plays hide and seek whenever marriage comes up.

My parents have been asking him to come and see them too. It is what they believe in. If you are dating their daughter, you come and show respect. There is nothing scary about that. But every time they ask, I make excuses for him. I say he is busy.

And when I ask him where he sees us in two years, he says he does not have money. When I bring up marriage, he says he does not have money.

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On his birthday, he posted, “Thank you all for the wishes. Soon to be Mr.”

Soon to be Mr. I feel it in my bones. I feel he is planning his marriage, just not with me. I feel he is lying to me. I do not know how I am going to find out. I do not even know if I will find out. But I am watching him now. Carefully.

I am keeping my eyes on him. And counting his steps.

So, if you have been in this situation before, tell me, how do I know there is someone else in the picture? How do I know I am just a placeholder, warming his bed and his food until the proper woman comes along?

—Brenda

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