I think I am the kind of friend nobody would want to have around, and that is a painful thing for me to admit.
I get jealous whenever my friends are doing better than I am. Whether it is getting a better job, doing well academically, making more money, or simply progressing faster in life, something inside me just cannot handle it. Instead of being genuinely happy for them, I feel upset, bitter, and disappointed in myself. It is exhausting, and I hate that I am this way. Why do I feel this way toward the people I love the most? Why do I get jealous of my friends? Why do I feel the same way about my own siblings? Why? Why am I like this?
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I have tried so hard to change. Every day, I tell myself to be happy for other people’s success and to be a better friend, but I just cannot do it. I have even prayed about it, hoping the jealousy would disappear, but it is still there, and I feel like it is slowly taking over my heart.
Lately, I have even been thinking about cutting all my friends off and staying by myself. That way, I would not have to hear about their success or watch them achieve things that end up making me resent them.
At least I would never have to deal with the bitterness that keeps growing inside me. I would not develop so much resentment towards them or feel that raging fire in my heart every time I see them happy or hear that something good has happened in their lives.
Do you think being alone would help someone like me? Or would it only make things worse? I honestly do not know anymore. All I know is that living like this is incredibly hard. I am tired of constantly comparing myself to the people I care about, and I am tired of fighting feelings that I never wanted to have in the first place.
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I honestly do not want to be this kind of person anymore. I want to celebrate my friends without secretly wishing I had what they have. I want to be very happy when good things happen to them instead of feeling threatened by their success.
How do I stop being this jealous? What can I do to become a better friend and finally find peace with myself?
— Peter
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Dear Peter, the first step to stopping the habit is in acknowledging how you feel and accepting it is not a good thing, which a good step forward. My advice would be that you start by looking within yourself, your achievements, who you are, the good things going for you and start learning to be content with who you are and accepting yourself where you are in life and all that. Becaue once you are content with who you are, and know what you want out of life and know that we all have different paths in life, other people’s success won’t bother you.
As someone with a background in psychology, your feelings are perfectly normal. And dont make a mistake of cutting people off, it will worsen your situation.
Almost all people feel jealous when others are better than them, this is our natural inbuilt reaction, it is normal. However, most people learn to react in a better way, in your case you dont react normally. So you will need to develop practical steps to help you,
number 1 dont pry into people’s affairs such as asking them about their academic growth, salaries, or jobs. what you dont know will not affect you.
Number 2 dont appear interested in other people’s growth in areas that will trigger your jealousy. With time your friends will learn to stop updating you on these things because they know you are not interested. If you dont know, you cant be jealous.
Number 3 Fake it until it is real, appear happy for people even if it doesnt get you excited. And when the negative emotions start hitting you, find positive excuses to deal with them. For eg, your brain will be like, no you are better than Akwasi so why should he get a better salary. Say to yourself, maybe Akwasi is better than me in a certain small area of expertise, or maybe his prayers have brought him these blessings, or maybe his uncle connected him to the job etcc..
If you practice these steps, you will get better over the years.
I leave you with a powerful reminder from one of the stories of Mohammed, a prophet in Islam, may the peace and blessings of God be upon Mohammed.
One day Prophet Mohammed (may the peace and blessing of God be upon him) was in the mosque with his companions learning Islam, then he mentioned the next person to walk into the mosque is a person from Paradise (meaning he will be admitted to paradise when he dies). So a man walked in with his beard dripping with water from ablution.
The next day Prophet Mohammed (may the peace and blessing of God be upon him) was with his companions in the mosque, and made the same comment. Shortly after, that same man came into the mosque. To cut a long story short, when one of the companions of Prohet Mohammed (may the peace and blessing of God be upon him) interviewed the man he said, i do nothing special except that when good happens to someone i rejoice for him and when i am going to bed at night i dont carry any malice, hatred or jealousy in my heart against anyone before i sleep. The companion replied, “your unique character is what has brought you to this special position (with God), and it is what we are incapable of”.
So from this story you now understand that it is very rare that a human being will feel no jealousy towards anyone who is better than him. So most of us just fake it, meanwhile deep down we are not happy.
By this i dont mean, when people rejoice for good things in your life, they are faking it. Ohh no, i am not an expert on what is in people’s hearts. I am only trying to help this guy out.
This is witchcraft. Jealousy is not bad in it sence but the way you’re handling it makes you a wizard. You have to repent and surrender to Christ Jesus. Also, turn that jealous energy into working hard to achieve whatever your friends have achieved before you.
Exactly I’m someone who naturally gets happy when good things happen to people around me but anytime the spirit of jealousy comes I talk my mind out of it, I pray against it and I do not give it a place in my mind at all eiii
Pray and ask God to make you happy for others achievement, tell him to work on you and make you like him. This prayer is short but effective if you pray with all your heart. Do so daily. This is my to go prayer recipe.