We got married five years ago. We both didn’t have anything, but we leaned on each other’s support to be able to marry and also plan ahead for the future. My wife works with a multinational company, and her salary was just around the same salary I was receiving. She had a good opportunity to make it big if she went to school, so I encouraged her to do her master’s so she would be promoted.
She first didn’t like the idea. She wanted to finish giving birth, and then she would go back to school. I encouraged her to do it because time and tide wait for no man. I did the registration for her and paid half of her fees to start school.
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When she started going to school, I realized I needed to do some of the house chores to lighten her load so she could focus on school. I would wash on Saturday while she went to school. I washed and folded the laundry while she was learning. I wasn’t good at cooking, but because of her school, I learned to do it so I could cook for us to eat.
Just a month into her course, we got pregnant. She nearly stopped schooling because of the pregnancy, but I encouraged her, helped her do her assignments and even stayed online to listen to her lectures while she slept so I could do her assignments for her.
Just when she was about to write her last semester exams, she gave birth. The baby was preterm. I was at the hospital with her, doing our best to keep the baby warm so she could grow. We were discharged on Thursday. On Saturday, she had to write exams. Again, she said no. I said, “Let’s go. I will carry her with me while you write the exams.”
That’s what we did until she was able to write all her papers and graduate with good grades. After graduation, I read her research dedication. She dedicated her work to family and friends, even friends abroad, but didn’t mention my name. I jokingly said, “I did half of this work and still didn’t get a mention?”
She retorted, “What’s so special about this that you have to remind me of what you did? So someday, you will let the world know that I didn’t do my master’s thesis myself?”
She got angry, and this anger lasted for days. I had to apologize and work my way up to forgiveness again. But then I realized my wife was growing salty and overly sensitive. Every little thing got her angry. And when she was angry, she wouldn’t do anything except care for our child.
I had to be the bigger person in every argument and apologize after every fight. And then she got the promotion she worked for. I was happy for her. I took her out on a date to celebrate the win. I said, “You see what I’ve been telling you? If you didn’t listen to me, this promotion wouldn’t have happened.”
Our date ended abruptly. She said I always wanted to take credit for her own hard work. I understood her point. I agreed it came at the wrong time, so she should let it go. She stayed angry for weeks and slowly warmed herself down to not being angry again.
After the promotion, I started seeing a different side of my wife altogether. It didn’t start after the promotion, but I think the promotion intensified the situation. She came to earn twice my salary, and because of that, she stopped doing house chores totally.
After school, when I had done everything in the house for over a year, she warmed herself back to doing it again, and then the promotion happened, and then she stopped. I would wake up early and ask her to join me to clean, and the question she would ask me was, “How big is this house that you can’t clean alone?”
I would ask her to wash with me, and she would go like, “If you can’t wash all of them, just wash yours and leave mine and the kid’s alone.” She would cook once in a blue moon, and even sex, I have to demand it and end up doing it all by myself without any contribution from her, not even a moan.
I sat down with her one evening when our baby was sleeping. I narrated everything from our beginning to where we are now and begged her that she shouldn’t allow the situation to change her. “Remember where we started from. We are here today because we helped each other.”
She misinterpreted my advice and turned the whole discussion into a huge debate. “What don’t I do in this house? Who buys prepaid for electricity here? Who pays for the food you’re complaining that I don’t cook? Who does this and that?”
Yes, she pays for those things because it was an agreement we made after her promotion. I suggested a joint account, and she said no. We had one when we got married afresh, and it was redundant. I asked her to revive it, and she said we’ve been okay without it, so we would be okay. She agreed to take the domestic bills while I take care of everything concerning our child: school fees and canteen fees, medical bills when she’s sick, her entertainment needs and other things that would come up.
But because my wife was doing her side of the bargain, she feels she doesn’t need to submit to me in marriage. The day I discussed this with our pastor and he called for a meeting, my wife sat there and didn’t say a word. After the meeting, my pastor called me aside and said, “Pray, you’re in big trouble.”
When we got home, my wife started shouting. “So now the whole world will hear about our story because of submission? Do you want me to be on the floor for you to walk on me before you call it submission? Don’t you appreciate what I bring to the table? I’m tired of you. I’m tired of all this.”
If tomorrow my wife wakes up and tells me she wants a divorce, I won’t be surprised. I won’t be shocked to know she has been planning it because currently, she’s quiet more often than she speaks. She tells me nothing about her day or her life in general. Meanwhile, I can see a lot going on in her life.
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I’m only waiting for the day she will say it with her mouth that she wants a divorce. I won’t say it, but I believe that day is coming very soon.
Just yesterday, a lady shared her story about her insecure boyfriend, and everyone said the lady should run away. But what most people don’t realize is that there’s some truth in the concern of that man. He’s right to be scared. In my next life, I will avoid a woman doing better than me. I’m not saying all of them are like that, but for peace of mind’s sake, a man should be a man, including being at the top of the financial curve. Else, forget respect from your wife.
—Clement
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You just married the wrong one person, otherwise love should lead.
Well, let her enter the street, she will regret her actions.
Both of you are at fault, first she feels she is trying, and you feel shes not submitting. Since shes playing the mans role, play the woman role. Don’t ask her to submit ask her to help you. And also upgrade yourself. Get to school, change job and earn more or else you’ll loose her. Grow up make more. And stop telling her how you helped her… she already know. You’re a man stop talking plenty, do action. You’re weak..
Eeeeiii are you saying his weak?a man who loves his wife genuinely and wishes the best for her. The lady is just not mature enough and very proud.
Really you’re calling him weak becus he’s letting it all out. You want him to bottle it all up and die in silence . He’s not at fault biaa ,it’s the woman’s fault ,she’s not a good person and she’s selfish . I don’t know if you’re a man or a woman but let’s be sensitive kakra wai. He’s human and his feelings are varied with wat the wife is doing to him. S3 he’s a weak man I hope he sees dis and improve on himself and leave dat selfish woman. Shame on you
Clement, you seem to be the problem. All this can stop if you demonstrate to your wife that you are still the man of the house even those you are taking a smaller salary. As the man of the house you need to be responsible for all the bills and expenses. Your wife can contribute if she wants to, but that shouldnt be a strict agreement. The little you can provide, provide it. And never talk about her promotion, master’s etc.
Your wife is doing all this because you have made her the centre of your attention, and you seem to be praising her. That is too much attention that will only lead to arrogance.
You need to also allow her to do the house chores. If she wont do it, dont talk just wash your own clothes, and go get yourself something to eat.
With time, your wife will settle back to her position when she realises you dont treat her specially any more. Never submit to your wife, woman dont want a submissive husband.
Submissiveness is weakness, and no woman will appreciate a weak husband who is always shouting praises in her ears. And stop making her think you are chasing after her money.
First of all a woman supporting your household financially shouldnt be a big problem because right from the beginning it says the two shall be one in terms of everything but it seems your wife is letting the society standard of family running destroy the beautiful marriage just because she earns more and providing too.Inorder to restore peace into your family kindly apply the following:
1.Go back to being the main provider with the little you have.
2.Dont force her to do the house chores just do the ones you deem fit and leave the rest.
3.Stop prasing her because she always interpret your prasises as something else(Attack).
4.Kindly give her break in terms of intimacy because she feels she once she is earning more than you you are suppose to submit to her which is leading to disrespect.
5.Pray to God that He should not let money blind your wife’s love for you and the child.
Clement, you have to upgrade yourself too because MOST women prefer their partners to be someone they look up to in everything. It’s an error for your wife to have more economic power than you thereby doing the heavy lifting. You will gradually lose your place as Head of the family. Just as you encouraged your wife, you also have to improve yourself so you can get promoted or land a better job.
Meanwhile some women are also looking for supportive husbands like Clement who will spare them on and flame them to higher heights and would care absolutely nothing about how much the man earns but will adore him for being supportive.
This world no balance.
Societal norms have done a great disservice to us.