When the world was on lockdown and we thought it was the end of humanity, I met a woman on TikTok. Her name was Naomi, a very beautiful woman. During those times, we talked a lot about everything and anything. Sometimes I would ask her out, but she always had an excuse. “Oh, I have someone,” or “Maybe next time.” Regardless, we became friends and had occasional chats.

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That changed in October 2021, when she called me one evening sobbing on the phone. It took a lot for her to calm down and tell me what was happening. She was pregnant, and the man responsible was asking her to take it out. According to her, he gave her an option: take it out and they could continue dating, or forget about him altogether. But she wanted to keep the baby. When she told me, I decided to support her and be there for her as a friend.

In the months that followed, I supported her financially, even though COVID had greatly affected my business. I was still trying my best. I was there for her emotionally and physically. In her fourth month, I proposed to her. She turned me down but promised to consider it after she delivered.

She delivered in May 2022. I catered for all the expenses, and she gave the baby girl my middle name. I was so glad. Even thereafter, I continued catering for both mother and child. In August 2022, I decided to shoot my shot again. She had hinted that after her delivery she would reconsider me, and the truth was, I didn’t even care that she was a mother. When you love someone, everything else doesn’t matter. She said yes to me this time around. We had a beautiful thing going.

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I lived in Kasoa and she was in Takoradi. Because of my financial situation, I rented a big single room, but I was sharing it with a friend. Anytime she visited, we had to respect my friend and spend time at a guest house in the vicinity. Though I had not officially introduced her to my family, she had spoken to my senior brother. Things began working out for me little by little, and I wanted to get fully on my feet before introducing her formally, but every close family member knew I had Naomi in Takoradi.

In January 2024, I informed her that I wanted to visit her, but she was dragging her feet. Today it was this, tomorrow it was that. She kept postponing it until March 2024, when it somehow became a huge fight between us. We hurled insults at each other. In the moment, we said the nastiest things. I knew I was wrong. I should not have said what I said, so I went with my hands behind my back to apologize to her. I wanted us to get over it and move on. But she did not care for anything I said. I tried every means to get her to forgive me so we could build a better relationship with the lessons learned, but all my efforts proved futile. We would be having fun and talking, and then another moment she would be furious. This happened about five times until we broke up in June 2024. I already had my suspicions that she was behaving this way because she had someone else, but of course, I had no evidence to prove it and accuse her, so I left in peace.

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

Just a few days ago, I received a call from a strange number. It was this ex of mine, crying and asking for forgiveness and reconciliation. She said the guy she dated after me promised to be everything I was not, but he abandoned her after she got pregnant. She has put to bed, and the man has not offered any financial help from the pregnancy until today. She and the two children eat only once a day, including the newborn. She has no nappies for the baby and uses napkins. She said since she started seeing the guy, she has been treated for every kind of STD, and she is currently suffering from severe pelvic inflammatory disease and may have to undergo surgery. She said sometimes she contemplates poisoning herself and the two children.

I would have accepted her back or helped her, but the way she treated me like trash during our difficult times and said all manner of things to me when she wanted to leave makes it impossible for me. I have forgiven her, but she has to take responsibility for her actions.

One of the hardest truths in a relationship is that you and your partner will hurt each other painfully, even when you love each other deeply. People think real love means no pain. Real love includes moments that sting, not because your partner is toxic, but because they are human. There are no perfect partners, but there are partners worth keeping. Do not always be in a haste to walk out.

Naomi, I wish you well. It is a bit too late.

—Felix

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