Three years after marriage and there was nothing to show for it. No babies. That wasn’t how we planned our lives as a couple. Our dream was to come home from honeymoon with a pregnancy. We gave ourselves four years to give birth to three children. My wife told me, “I don’t want to give birth after thirty. I want to be taking care of them while I also take care of my health and remain good-looking in your eyes for the rest of our lives.” It was a mutual dream so we started the journey towards the dream right after marriage. On our first wedding anniversary, we talked about the dream and laughed. We didn’t have a baby and it had been a year already. We didn’t see it as a problem because it had been only a year. 

Two years later, my wife said, “I think there’s a problem somewhere. Two years? We haven’t been lying here idle so why can’t we conceive? We’ve been busy night and day, doing it wherever and whenever so why can’t we give birth?” That question threw me out of balance and it made me question everything we had done since we got married. I started getting scared. I said, “What if I’m the problem? What if I’m shooting blank and I won’t be able to make a woman get pregnant? All my life, I’ve been a bad boy but I never got a woman pregnant. I could be the problem.” 

While I was thinking I was the problem, my wife was also thinking she was the problem. She asked me one night, “If it turned out I won’t be able to give birth, would it change anything here in our marriage?” I said calmly, “Why would you talk like that? We are only two years together. It’s not as if we’d been married for twenty years. It’s just two years.” She said, “I’m only asking.” I told her, “You’re asking because you’re worried. You don’t have to.” 

We started seeking medical help. We wanted to know what the problem was but wherever we went, they told us the same thing. That we were ok and that we should continue doing what we were doing until we see the results. Three years later, there was nothing to show for all the sex we were having. My wife was so worried she started losing weight. She didn’t want to hear me say everything was fine. Even my optimism got her angry. She said, “You’ve been saying that since we got married. Three years later and we are still here. Nothing is fine so stop telling me everything would be fine.”

Four years after marriage, she was thirty-two years old and there was no pregnancy to show for it. On her birthday, I took her to a fine place and asked her to make a wish. She said, “I want to hear God’s voice. If I’m destined not to have a child, he should tell me so I stop worrying myself.” I said, “Babe, that’s not a wish. That sounds like lamentation.” She answered, “There’s a wish in there and the wish is for me to hear God’s voice on the issue.”

We were going to church every Sunday and we were praying fervently every day but my wife thought that wasn’t enough. She started visiting places without my knowledge. She would go to this pastor and go to another one. Every direction she was given, she followed to the letter. I told her, “Babe, slow down before you break down. All these worries can’t change what cannot be changed. Just relax, everything would be alright.” She didn’t want to hear of my optimism. It got her angry and she told me to keep it to myself. 

One day, she was sitting on the toilet while I was brushing my teeth. I was looking at her in the mirror. She was rubbing her palm around her tummy and smiling to herself. I was checking her out and was thinking, “What’s going on in her head?” It looked good to see her smile. I hadn’t seen her smile in a long time. The smile looked old but warming. She looked up and caught me looking at her in the mirror. I asked her, “What are you thinking of?” She said, “It should have been in last three days but I still haven’t seen it. It’s a good sign, plus I’m feeling heavy like I’d eaten something and I’m bloated.” She smiled again and a light in me got turned on. I was like, “Really? And you haven’t told me? Let’s get it checked immediately so we know how to care for it.” 

That evening her menses came.

She cried like a baby. At some point, it felt like she was going to have a mental breakdown. I tried to hug her and she pushed me away. When she calmed down she said, “I’m beginning to think there’s a mysterious hand at play here. Do you remember a lady hugged me during my wedding and later touched my tummy? What if she was sent to make me barren?” I answered, “She’s not more powerful than God. It’s only what God allows that happen. We are getting close to something big so stop making the devil bigger than he is.” She chuckled. She said nasally, “Why am I even talking to you about this?”

We visited my mom. I was talking to her when my wife walked in. My mom smiled and even teased her about how beautiful she was growing. They both laughed and talked until we left. When we got home she asked me, “What were you talking about with your mom before I walked in? You both stopped having the conversation immediately after I walked in. What were you saying?” Honestly, I couldn’t remember and I told her exactly that. She said, “If she’s trying to give you another woman, please tell me so I can start packing my things.” I screamed, “Seriously? Is that all you can think about? What has come over you? Are you the only woman who’s struggling to get pregnant? Why are you trying to make everyone evil in your eyes?” 

It turned into a fight. She said we are conniving to get rid of her because she couldn’t have a child. I defended my mom because all that woman had for my wife was love. She saw the struggle we were going through but never made mention of it. After all, I was old enough to take care of myself and my family. After the fight, we didn’t talk for days. One dawn she woke me up. I thought she was going to apologize. She said, “I think it’s about time we got a divorce. It’s not your fault that we are where we are now. Maybe, I’m lying to myself that I may get pregnant. I may never get pregnant and you’re too good to deserve a woman who can’t give you children.” I told her, “Maybe you’re dreaming. Go back to sleep. When you wake up in the morning, we’ll talk.”

She woke up and never made mention of that again.  

We went on a lockdown in March. There was nothing to do but watch our favourite movies, cook together and eat whatever came our way. We would play loud music and dance. Whenever she saw something funny online, she would show it to me and we would all laugh. I realized a certain change in her when we were inside and not going out. She was overly happy and never said anything about pregnancy. I told myself, “Maybe, she was worried about what the world was saying about her. Now that the world is locked away, she has nothing to worry about. After all, nobody sees her and she also sees nobody.” We were in there for three weeks.

I was brushing my teeth one morning and she was also sitting on the WC with her cheek in her palm. I didn’t see her other hand. It was hiding behind her. I didn’t think so much of it but she was having this mischievous smirk on her face. I was looking at her every now and then until I finished brushing and was about to leave. She brought the hiding hand forward and looked at what was in her hand and screamed suddenly. My heart lost a beat. She shouted, “It’s positive! It’s positive! It’s positive.” I rushed to see what was positive. Being tested positive for Covid wouldn’t make her that happy so what positive could make her that happy?

You guess right. She was pregnant. We were both excited and scared at the same time. What if the test kit was giving us fake news? We had been in the dark for so long a light was thrown on us and we squinted. We tested again at the hospital and the nurse said, “Congratulation. You’re pregnant.”

READ ALSO: I Thought He Was The One Until I Got Pregnant For Him

I was there when she was giving birth. She was trying to push and it wasn’t coming. The nurse kept telling her, “Try harder. Your husband is here, make him proud. Puuush! She couldn’t. She was there crying and helpless. I held her shoulder, “Babe, keep trying.” She said feebly, “I’ve done my best. That’s all the energy in me. I’m dying.” The nurse asked us, “CS?” I responded, “Yeah, make it quick.” I was there when she was being cut. I couldn’t even watch. I started getting scared. “What if she wasn’t made to give birth because she could die through birth?” My mind was speeding into dark territory until I heard a baby’s cry. I asked, “Is she ok, my wife.” 

“She’s fine. She should be up in no time.”

I didn’t go anywhere. I stood by her while she was sleeping with the baby in a cot next to her. I was praying. I was wishing for the stars. I was knocking on God’s door. I was scared. She woke up and said, “You’re still here? Where is our baby? She turned left and saw her. She smiled for the first time. That smile meant something different. It wasn’t the usual smile. It came out of contentment and out of relief. The world was still sick but we were fully healed from our barrenness. It’s October 2022 and our second is on the way coming. My wife is thirty-eight. Dreams fail but we win in the end because God is always good. 

— Fred

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

*****