Alex left me to marry someone else. This left me completely broken. I was convinced that I was done with men and relationships. So, when my best friend called to tell me a guy we went to college with was asking for my number I was annoyed. I was like, that’s how they all start. They take your number, tell you nonsense about love and later break your heart. I asked my friend, “Why is he looking for my number?” She responded, “I don’t know. He just asked.” I told her “Give his number to me, I will call him myself and ask him.”

She texted his number to me and I called him; “Hi I heard you asked for my number. What do you want?” He laughed. He said, “Hi, I am fine. How are you too?” I wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries. I told him, “I don’t have time for this, please. Why are you looking for my number?” He answered, “Well, I heard about your National Service posting. I know the town you were posted and I even have a room there. If you need any help with anything, I will be happy to help you.”

My face dropped. What I suspected didn’t come through but I was touched by his kindness. We were not that close yet he thought well about me. That was the beginning of the friendship between me and Kojo.

We spoke on the phone from time to time. The more we spoke, the closer we got. At a point, I sensed he was going to propose to me. I wasn’t ready for love so I made my rejection note ready just in case he proposed. I only wanted to be friends with him. Later, I felt it would be awkward for me to reject his proposal so instead of waiting for him to propose, I started backing out of his life. I spoke to him less. I took forever to reply to his texts. I stopped answering his calls. I did this until we completely stopped talking.

Five years after Alex, I met Felix. I liked him so I decided to give myself another shot at love. Not long after we started dating, I noticed his habit of begging for money on social media. Whenever he was broke, he would post on all his social media handles; “I am out of cash. Someone should help me out please.”  I felt embarrassed. Sometimes he would borrow from me and not pay it back. I couldn’t put up with it so I broke up with him.

Kojo came back into my life around that same time. At first, I didn’t want him to get too close so I left him on read often. He would come to Facebook and see me online and send a text, “So you left me on read on WhatsApp only for you to be here chatting with your loved ones.” I usually wrote “lol” or “lmao” as a response.  He would call and would talk for hours.

During one of those long talks, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I just walked out of a relationship with Felix so I was not ready for another one too soon. I don’t know about Kojo and his bad timings. He always showed up when I was hurt and not ready for a relationship. I told him, “I just walked out of one bad relationship. I need to catch my breath.”

He was relentless. I would say no to him today and tomorrow he would come back with a fresh proposal. Eventually, I said yes to him. Out of sheer happiness, he made me a promise; “You won’t regret giving us a chance. Just watch me.” He did everything humanly possible to make me fall deeply in love with him.

Every once in a while, he asked me, “How do you feel about the relationship now? Are you fully into it?” My answer was, “I am getting there. Slowly my heart is bowing down to this. Give me a little more time.” One day he asked me again and I answered, “I am in love with you.” It was the truth. He had this natural charm about him that made it easier for me to fall in love with him. What made me love him more was how much he cared for my little boy.

Here is the thing, when I was in college my mum passed away. Her last born was 9 months old at the time. I took over caring for him. He has grown up believing I am his mother. I am his elder sister but I consider him my son. Kojo grew an enviable bond with my brother-turned-son. He brought him gifts whenever he visited. Sometimes I’d catch the two of them whispering and conspiring against me. He made my son happy and it made me happy too. I dropped my guard and loved him with my all.

A month into the relationship we had our first sleepover at my place. That was when the first shuperu happened. Three months into the relationship I got pregnant. He said he wasn’t ready to be a father. I also felt the relationship was too young for us to have a baby. When he brought me pills to take care of it, I took them. He said, “There’s something you should know about me. I am an HIV2 positive patient.” I didn’t know what he meant but I panicked. I thought my life was over. I cried in confusion and went online to read about it.

Calm was restored when I read that he couldn’t transmit it to me. My love for him had gotten stronger than the threat of an STD. I didn’t break up with him. Seven months later, I got pregnant again. When I told him about it he said, “I am not ready to be a father. Go to the hospital and take care of it. I will bear the cost.” This time, the relationship wasn’t so young. We were both financially sound too. I told myself, “This guy is not serious about me. We are both 34 years old and are working. If he truly loves me he won’t ask me to have another abortion.” When I tried to break up with him he played the victim, “Why does this always happen to me? Every lady I get into a serious relationship with ends up leaving me.” I still loved him so I fell for his victim act and I stayed with him.

While all this was happening, he was living in a single-room apartment with his sister. Their room was infested with bedbugs and mice but it didn’t bother me. I knew we wouldn’t live there after marriage. I was living in a house my mother built before passing away. He could move in with me and my sisters until we are ready to get our own place. I had it all figured out. All I was waiting for was him.

A part of me believed he needed time to be ready. Another part of me was certain he just didn’t want to marry me. I went looking for answers on his phone. I found a chat between him and a lady I didn’t know. I gathered from the chat that there was a love relationship between them. I confronted him about it but he denied knowledge. He said, “If you look at the chat carefully you will notice that she is the one hitting on me. Why don’t you trust me? I love you. What do you want me to do to prove it?” I didn’t have enough evidence to make my case so I let it go.

Along the line, he told me his landlord was evicting them, so he was on an apartment hunt. It didn’t take long for him to find a place and pay for the rent. It was a two-bedroom flat. When I went to see it, I saw that it was fully furnished and there were appliances there that weren’t in his previous place. I knew enough about his finances to know he couldn’t afford those things. I asked how he was able to acquire all that. At first, he said, “I went into my savings.” I didn’t believe him. Later he changed his story; “I didn’t pay for the apartment with my savings. I took a loan.” I knew in my heart that one day he would slip up and I would find out whatever he was hiding.

I stayed at his place one day while he was at work. I don’t know what I was looking for but I turned the place upside down. I searched every inch of the flat. I unpacked and repacked every bag. I found lady’s underwear. It wasn’t brand new. It had been worn. I recalled he sent me photos of underwear with the caption, “Choose your favorite colors.” I chose the panty I saw that day from the lots but he never gave it to me. It turned out that he gave it to someone else.

I had my suspicions but finding the underwear really shook me. I went over our entire relationship in my head. I was trying to see if there were obvious red flags I missed. A lot of things started to make sense. Things like his reluctance to have a baby with me. His lack of interest in starting preparations toward marriage. The one time I met his mother yet he couldn’t introduce me to her as his girlfriend. I felt foolish for allowing myself to be played by yet another man.

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When he got home I showed the underwear to him; “Who is this for? And before you lie, I know it’s not mine.” He said, “I received a visitor a while back. It must be hers.” I asked, “When did you receive a visitor that I didn’t know about? Do I look so stupid that you would just lie to my face? Come find me when you are ready to tell me the truth.” And then I left.

Later, he came to my house looking like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar; “I’m sorry,” he said. “You were right. I have not been completely honest with you. The owner of the underwear is someone else I am in a relationship with. We have been together since 2011. Our families were introduced in 2017. Her parents live abroad so she has the money. She is the one who helped me pay for and furnish the apartment.”

I realized then that I never stood a chance with him. Everything he had ever made me believe was a lie. “But why would he try so hard to win my love and affection when he knew he was already committed to someone else?” It broke me into pieces.

Before I could get down on my knees to pick up the broken pieces, I saw his wedding invitation dangling on someone’s WhatsApp status. I expected him to at least tell me himself that he was getting married. He couldn’t. We were together for four years. I thought that would account for something. I was hurt and filled with rage. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to go and see the pastor who would officiate the wedding and tell him about Kojo’s deception. I confided in my late mother’s best friend and she advised me against doing that. She said, “Tell him to compensate you for the time wasted. He should give you not less than Ghc3000. That’s better than going all the way there to destroy his wedding.”

I took her advice and asked him for compensation. He agreed to pay it before February. In January he gave me Ghc500 and then refused to pay the rest. Three weeks before the wedding I asked him, “What will you do if I go to the officiating minister of your wedding and tell him about how you lied to me and cheated on your bride to be?” He said, “Don’t you dare do that. The wedding date is approaching. I will give you whatever you want.”

A few days later he sent me another Ghc500. Then he invited me to the wedding. I couldn’t believe it. I understood that he never really cared about me. Why else would he invite me to witness the celebration of his deception? On the day of his wedding, I sat in my bed and cried, reliving every moment we shared that I once held dear to my heart. Our colleagues who knew about our relationship called to tease me, “Are you coming to the wedding? Or you are so broken you can’t walk?”

He has refused to pay the rest of the money but that’s the least of my problems. I haven’t been able to tell my siblings that we are no longer together. It hurts to admit to them that another man has left me for someone else. I pretend as if Kojo and I are still a happy couple. My explanation for his absence in our house is that he has traveled abroad. I don’t know how long I can keep up this lie.

—Abigail

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