I am a 27-year-old single mum living with my mother. Growing up, I did not have a good relationship with her. She hardly spoke to me or listened when I had problems. I was expected to accept anything she did, no questions asked. Even when she treated me badly, I could not complain. The only people in my life I could talk to freely were my friends and my grandmother.

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Because of what I suffered emotionally and physically with her, I have decided that I will not let my little girl go through the same trauma. I make sure I am always there for her. People say I am spoiling her, but I know how it feels to be raised without love and empathy so I would rather spoil my child than starve her of my affection.

Even now that I am all grown up, my mum makes me feel that whatever she does for me is a favor. I am grateful to her, because experiencing her behavior has shaped me into becoming the best mum I can be for my child.

The other day, a neighbor compared me to my mum. She meant it for good but it upset me. I told her not to compare me with my mum because we are two different people.

My mum heard me and got triggered. She started insulting me while quoting Ephesians 6, which says:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;

That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”

I also wanted to quote the part that said, “…provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

I knew it would only make her angrier so I stayed quiet, as she ranted about how others would love to have her as their mum. I don’t know about you but I am not sure those people would be happy to have a mother who constantly reminds them that she helped them finish SHS. Was it not her responsibility to do it?

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I am grateful she supported me, I truly am. It’s just that whenever she brings up that SHS issue, it affects me emotionally. One of my prayer requests now is to get money to pay back the fees she covered, so she can stop using it to insult me.

It’s not as if she paid everything. My dad paid my fees until they had problems when I was in second year. Then my church stepped in and paid 80% of my fees from the second term till I completed school. My mother paid the remaining 20% yet she tells people she did everything for me in school.

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I appreciate the things she did for me, but she makes it seem it wasn’t her responsibility. As if she picked me from the streets. Somehow I was punished for her problems with my dad. I won’t do that as a mum. I don’t know much in this life but I know my child will have a better childhood than I did no matter how hard my life gets.

I have bottled up my emotions about my experience with her for so long. That’s why I am sharing my story here. I just need to vent. People talk about the unconditional love of mothers. I can’t relate.


Rarely do we talk about mothers like mine, who made me feel I was not her biological child. So I am sending hugs to anyone reading this who has a difficult relationship with their mum. I see you. I know it’s not easy but we will be fine.

—Mae

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