Three months into our new relationship, she got pregnant. That wasn’t the plan. We were settling into each other’s comfort. We had spoken about the future but it was a distant dream. Although I was crazy about her, I was in a place where I wanted to further my education abroad. I had applied to some schools and was applying to a few more. Regardless of all these plans, we agreed to have the baby.

First comes marriage, then comes baby. That’s the traditional way to do things. However, baby came first for us. I told her, “I need time to prepare for the marriage rites so be patient with me. When the baby is born, we will do what needs to be done.” She is an understanding person. That’s one of the things I like about her. “I don’t mind waiting as long as you give me the wedding of my dreams,” she answered. “I will do my best for us to have a memorable day,” I promised.

I went with my family to officially introduce ourselves to her people. Just as I already promised her, my family also promised her family we would perform the necessary rites once the baby was born. We then performed the knocking rites and received the marriage list. While I was providing for her needs throughout the pregnancy, I was also buying the items on the list. I still managed to put some aside for the marriage ceremony.

I don’t earn much. I bring home GHC3,500 at the end of each month yet I have so many responsibilities. My responsibility to my fiancee aside, I pay my younger siblings’ school fees. I am a man. I am expected to provide so I don’t complain. I stretch myself thin and even bend backward if that is what is required of me to do to provide.

Our baby is three months old at the moment. I have bought seventy percent of the items on the list. I was working toward the rest of the items when I received incredible news. One of the schools  I applied to sent me an offer letter. I won a fully funded scholarship to study for my masters abroad. This is the kind of life-changing opportunity I have been praying for. I couldn’t believe I even got it. I had to keep pinching myself so I would know I truly wasn’t dreaming.

When I shared the news with Akosua she was happy for me. Nonetheless, she asked, “I hope this opportunity is not going erase our plans.” I assured her, “We will still get married as planned. It’s just that we will have to cut down on cost. Instead of having two ceremonies (our traditional wedding, and the white wedding), let’s just do one ceremony.” I explained to her that I had to use some of the money to fund my travel expenses.

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“You promised me my dream wedding. How can that happen if you are proposing only the engagement ceremony? No, I won’t agree. I want both.” I tried to get her to see things my way but she stood firm in her decisions. She wants me to spend all the money on two ceremonies, so I would go for a loan to secure my visa. This doesn’t sound financially wise to me.

If I had external support from my relatives, maybe I would have given her everything she wanted. But that hasn’t been the case. I am the only one doing everything for myself while there are others depending on me. How am I supposed to please everyone and still look after my needs?

I believe the one person who should stand by me and help make things easier for me is the woman I plan to marry. Unfortunately, she is the one person who does not wish to yield her desires for the sake of my education. I am sure she wouldn’t mind if I married her and lost the opportunity. I have tried several ways to make her understand that if things get better for me, her life would improve too. She hears me but I know she is not listening.

We are at an impasse. I don’t know how to get through to her. I don’t also have time on my side. I need to secure my visa as soon as possible lest I lose the opportunity. I don’t want to disappoint Akosua either. What do I do?

—Dan

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