We lived in the same city but our relationship was long-distance. As strange as it sounds, we could go for about nine months before seeing each other in person. At first, I didn’t mind. We had agreed to keep things non-sexual until marriage. So by keeping our distance, we were protecting that vow.

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However, it got to a point where she stopped finding ways to make the relationship lively. I suggested we meet in open spaces and go on small dates, just spend time together, but she never agreed. Even when I planned dates, she would cancel or find excuses. On her birthday, for instance, I bought her gifts. I wanted to take her out as well but she said she couldn’t go out.

She has been staying with someone since she started tertiary education. According to her, she handled most of the house chores and took care of the children while the couple she lived with went to work. That was her reason for not leaving the house.

I understood her situation, but I also felt she could still create some time for us. The man she stayed with knew me personally and even approved of our relationship. So if she had told him she wanted to meet me, I’m sure he would have allowed it.

After she graduated, she became frustrated about not getting a job. I suggested she start an online business. I even offered to handle deliveries for her but she refused. She said she just wanted a government posting, even if it meant leaving town.

Around that time, I had also graduated and wasn’t formally employed. I was doing small businesses on my own. From the beginning, I never wanted to chase office jobs or government positions. I had a plan to build something for myself. Even for my national service, I didn’t want to do it until she and one of my lecturers persuaded me to reconsider my decision.

When I finished my service, I got an offer to stay with the company, but we both agreed I shouldn’t. She didn’t like the company’s work culture and long hours. However, she also didn’t like my idea of not seeking formal employment. She always told me to find a job while still keeping an eye on my personal projects.

While looking for a job, I decided to go back to my hometown and start farming. My parents are farmers, so I knew the work well. My plan wasn’t to be a small-scale farmer. I wanted to grow something big enough to employ others. Today, I have about seven acres of cassava farm.

Four months after my national service, my uncle who owns some shops asked me to come work with him. Like her, he also didn’t like that I wasn’t working formally. I joined him while still applying for jobs. Some companies called me for interviews, but their offers didn’t sit well with me. One even said I didn’t have the professional certification for the work, even though I had seven years of practical experience.

I discussed all this with my uncle and my fiancée. Eventually, I decided to go back to school to get those certifications. When I told her about my plan, she completely disagreed. She said she didn’t like that profession. It wasn’t a valid reason I bought the forms and got admission. Now, I’m in my final semester.

Like I mentioned earlier, we rarely met in person. In our second year together, we almost went nine months without seeing each other. We finally met when we went home to vote. That day, I told her how uncomfortable I was becoming in the relationship. I even confessed that I had thought about breaking up twice because of the inconsistencies. Communication had also dropped, and I was tired of complaining. She apologised many times but nothing changed.

Then came this year’s market fire outbreaks. Our shops got burnt — we lost everything. Just five days before the fire, she had asked for a separation. Two heartbreaks in one week, so you can imagine what I was feeling.

Since she said separation, I thought there was still a chance to reconcile. For seven months, I’ve tried everything possible to win her back, but she remains firm in her decision.

We still talk occasionally on the phone and meet briefly sometimes. Ironically, she has now started the same online business I once suggested. I’ve helped her with everything she’s needed for it. She also told me her family had secured a government job for her, and she’ll probably start work before Christmas.

Recently, she even called to ask for a loan of GHS 5,000. I gave it to her.

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What she doesn’t know is that a month after the fire, I invested all my savings into one of my planned businesses. Today, it brings me almost GHS 5,000 a month — double what one of the companies once offered me. My uncle’s business has also recovered, and between that and my own, I’m doing quite well.

With everything I have accomplished, I am still not a happy man because the woman I love has left me. She didn’t tell me why she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She said just said she was done.

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It doesn’t make sense to me. Sometimes I ask myself if it’s because she didn’t believe in my dreams. Or was it because I kept asking her to make sacrifices for our relationship to thrive?

What more could I have done to keep her? I always prioritised her, learned to adjust to her preferences, and only asked that she give reasons for the things she did or wouldn’t do. Was that too much to ask?

—Kelly

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