I am currently in my second year at the university. I share a room in one of my school’s halls with my coursemate. One evening, a lady came to our hall of residence and saw my roommate sitting in front of our door. She is friends with my roommate so she asked him, “Albert, is this your room?” I was in the room but I heard Albert say, “No, this is not my room.” I heard her ask all the guys sitting with Albert, “Is he telling me the truth?” They all responded, “Yes, it’s the truth. This is not Albert’s room.” I don’t know why the lady was hell-bent on knowing Albert’s room or why he saw the need to lie to her. It was none of my business but one thing I can’t stand is lies. So when the lady walked into our room to ask, “Hi, sorry for budging in here like this, but can you tell me if this is Albert’s room?” I could not bring myself to lie to her. I told her, “Yes, he is my roommate and this is our room.”

“You are the only one who has told me the truth. I like that, and I like you. Can we be friends?” How could I say no to that? I admired her confidence. Our friendship was nurtured slowly. And as our bond grew stronger, I fell in love with her. I didn’t tell her how I felt. I didn’t know how to do it. Besides, I feared it would scare her away from me. So I tamed my feelings and kept them hidden. I want to believe that I did a good job of hiding my feelings because she never suspected anything. While I was battling with myself to completely kill my feelings for her, she fell sick. I found out when I called to check up on her. She was breathing heavily and coughing. “What’s wrong with you?” I asked. She breathed heavily, followed by “ahem ahem, I don’t feel fine.” I didn’t want her to keep talking so I responded, “Save your strength, I am coming over.”

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I rushed to her hostel to find her not in bed or looking sick. She just had a mild cough due to the bad weather. I was so relieved to see that she was okay. I sat with her and we had a lengthy conversation. The more I stayed in her presence, the more my emotions got the better of me. There was a persistent voice in my head that kept saying, “Hold her! Kiss her! Tell her you love her!” I didn’t even realize it when I made a move to kiss her. It was something I did as involuntarily as blinking. Luckily, one of us was thinking straight. She saw the kiss coming and dodged it. “Hey, why are you trying to kiss me?” She asked. That question brought me back to reality, “Oh, I don’t know what came over me. I am so sorry I tried to do that. Forgive me.” On the tip of my tongue were the words, “I tried to do that because I love you.” But I couldn’t muster the courage to say it so I said, “I think I should go.” She watched me leave with confusion etched on her face.

Later in the day, she called me. I thought she was going to finally yell at me for what I did or tell me our friendship was over. But to my surprise she uttered the words, “I need you to come back to my hostel right now.” I was concerned, “Are you feeling worse, do you need me to come and take you to the hospital?” She answered, “No, I’m fine. Just come, you will find out what it is when you get here.” The weather was cold but I perspired as I made my way to her hostel. I didn’t know why she wanted me back there after what I tried to do. When I got there I took a deep breath and knocked on her door. “Come in, the door is not locked,” came her response.

As soon as I crossed the threshold into her room, she was in my arms, standing on tiptoe to kiss me. I am surprised I had the presence of mind to shut the door before returning the kiss. Things escalated very quickly after that. We were skin to skin trying to meld ourselves into each other. There was a frantic approach in the way we touched. It was as if, if I didn’t touch her I would die. I can’t explain it but I have never felt that way with anyone. By the time we were done, we were a tangle of limbs panting like we had run a marathon. When we finished I asked her, “Do you have a boyfriend?” She shook her head, “Would I have done what we just did if I had a boyfriend?” I gave her a serious look, “That’s not an answer. I need you to answer me. Do you have a boyfriend?”

Again, she responded, “Why are you asking me this question after what we just did? You are making me feel insulted right now.” I wanted to know the truth so I asked her again, “This is not to make you feel bad or anything. There’s something I want to tell you but I want to know first if you have a boyfriend.” “Okay then, I don’t have a boyfriend. Happy now?” I smiled, “Will you be my girlfriend then? I love you. I have loved for a while now.” She smiled back and teased me, “Oh really? I could never have guessed that you love me.” At that moment I thought, “I now understand what love feels like. How did Celeste get the keys to open my heart and mind to love? Did she hack it or what?”

After that day, we agreed to have a clean relationship. We already started things with shuperu so we were worried that it would be the focus of the relationship. The plan was to take things very slowly. We agreed not to even kiss. It was difficult to keep my hands off her but because I love her, I was willing to stick to the plan. Every time we are together and I don’t make any move to touch her, she would tell me; “You are so different from every guy I have met. You have proven to me that your love is genuine. I am so happy that you are mine.” With all that going on we should be happy, right? Well, we were happy until she told me she dated someone on campus before me. No, that’s not the part that offended me. I know that everybody has a past so I didn’t let hers bother me.

What bothered me was, one day I was with her when a number called her. The way she spoke to the person sent alarm bells ringing in my heart. As soon as she hung up I asked her, “Who was that?” Celeste looked me dead in the eyes and answered, “That was my boyfriend.” Huh? “WTF are you talking about, Celeste? I am your boyfriend.” I retorted. She said, “I was with him before you came along. I didn’t tell you about him because I don’t love him. I haven’t been able to break up with him either so he is still my boyfriend. Rage and jealousy mixed into a cocktail in my heart, but I tried to keep my calm. I asked her, “Why are you with him if you don’t love him? I will not share you with anyone. So choose between us.”

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I even asked her, “As you are still dating this guy, if he tries to kiss you or sleep with you, will you allow it?” She shamelessly answered, “Yes, I will.” I tried to wrap my head around this thing she said, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk away from her either, because I was in too deep. She assured me she would break up with the other guy so I held on to her. When the issue came up just recently, she asked me to give her permission to have her last shuperu with the guy. “Hell NO!” I shouted. I felt broken and completely shattered by her behaviour. I asked myself, “Is this lady not ashamed to even ask this of me? What am I to her?” And the way she behaved after I said no was so much worse. She acted as if I was a bad person. “You and I are not doing it, so why won’t you let me do it with him one last time before I leave him?” She even tried to make me feel guilty. Can you believe it?

Will any rational human being do what Celeste is doing? This is enough reason for me to walk out on her, and I am honestly considering it. What do you guys think? I am so hurt that I was in tears when I was writing this story.

–William

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