I love her. However, I wasn’t all over her to show her how deeply I felt for her so she thought I didn’t care. I admit, that was my mistake. I shouldn’t have treated the relationship with careless abandon. I should have listened when she complained about her unhappiness. “Papa, why don’t you call me regularly? You say you love me but you can go a whole day without talking to me. If I don’t text you first, you won’t text me until days have passed. How is this love?” She ranted often. I knew I loved her so I saw her need for change as unnecessary nagging.

At a point, I promised her I would change. “Give me some time to work on it,” I spoke to her. She was patient with me but I still didn’t change. I kept behaving in a way that suggested that I wasn’t taking the relationship seriously. I went into myself and knew I wasn’t doing things right. If you love someone you pay attention to them. How could I not do something as simple as that?

As time went on, I realized that my girlfriend was acting differently. She no longer complained when I ignored her. She didn’t even put in any effort to maintain the lines of communication. I felt in my spirit that something was wrong. The only way a woman goes quiet when things are not right in her relationship is when someone else has her attention, or when she is losing interest.

I started doing my best to stir up her interest again. It worked but I could see that her attention was divided. No matter what I said, my girlfriend wouldn’t admit that something was different about our relationship. When you know someone, you can even tell when the air around them changes in temperature. Knowing Rachel, I had to find evidence before I accused her of anything.

One day I got hold of her phone while we were together. She didn’t see me, I made sure of it. You won’t believe what I found in her chats. She was flirting with some guys. That hurt but not as much as her conversations with the guy she was cheating on me with. There was graphic evidence of their affair. Although I was terribly broken, I took photos of their chats for future use.

When I asked her about the other guy, she denied it vehemently. She was so good at her act that if I hadn’t seen their chats for myself, I would have believed her. I didn’t reveal to her that I had proof. I just wanted to give her the chance to come clean and own up to her mistakes. However, no matter how many times I asked her about him, she responded; “Babe, I don’t know who you are talking about. You are the only man in my life.” My sweet angelic girlfriend looked into my eyes and lied.

When I got tired of all the pretense, I showed her the proof I had. It was then that she admitted that she cheated. Even with that, she told me, “It’s your fault. If you were making me feel loved enough, I wouldn’t have felt the need to be with another man.” Even though I felt betrayed and hurt, I forgave her. “I don’t know how this became our relationship but I am willing to do things differently if you promise not to entertain other men again,” I said to her. We made our promises to each other and carried on with the relationship.

I was so sure that I was doing things differently but it didn’t seem to be enough for her. Occasionally, I would catch her having erotic conversations with other men. She would say, “It doesn’t mean anything. We were just talking.” I loved her so much that even though she was hurting me, I kept forgiving her. It isn’t that there weren’t other women around me. There were many of them trying to get my attention but I didn’t want them. She was the only one for me. So I held on to the relationship as though my life depended on it.

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Recently, she complained again that I wasn’t treating her right. “All I need is your attention to feel loved by you. How hard is it for you to do?”

“I am trying my best,” I tried to reason with her, “Please give me more time to get to that place where I am the perfect boyfriend for you.”

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

She seemed to agree with me only to break up with me after a few days. She said she had fallen out of love with me. I don’t know what to do. I am going crazy. I can’t believe she is giving up on us so easily. After everything I forgave her for, why can’t she also be patient with me to change? Unlike her, I admitted that indeed I was not paying attention to her needs. And I assured her I would change. So why would she leave me?

I have done all I can think of to help me get her back but she is resolute in her decision. There’s nothing more to do but to accept defeat and move on. That’s why I need your help. It hurts so bad here in my heart. Please, what can I do to survive this pain?

— Papa Mola

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