The very day I met Adonai, I liked him. I think it was love at first sight. There was another man who was trying to get my attention but he was married, and although I liked him as well, I didn’t want to break anyone’s home. So I quickly gave Adonai a chance when he proposed.

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From the water side where we first met, to the late-night walks we shared, my heart melted so quickly, I can’t even explain it. I wondered if things were moving too fast, or if the heavens had finally answered my prayers and given me a man my own age. I didn’t really care though, I just wanted to be with him.

I knew it was risky falling in love that fast, but I decided it was worth the risk. Deep down I felt he was different from my exes. And I won’t lie, I’d been around. I’d tasted other relationships. Osano had the looks, Daniel had the money, Joavin was fun, and Phelix… well, let’s just say he left his mark. When it came to Adonai, I wanted more. I imagined a future with him—me in the kitchen, him holding me from behind, his hand resting and moving up my thighs, and us laughing like we had the whole world ahead of us.

I never thought my thighs would be the reason we would break up. One night, we were together in my room when out of nowhere, he started tugging at the blankets. He was trying to uncover my thighs so he could see the dark spots on them. It wasn’t like I had hidden them from him. I wore dresses around him, I’d been intimate with him with the lights on. I thought he knew my skin was not flawless.

However, the way he pulled at those blankets gave me the impression that it bothered him that I had dark spots on my skin. When I wouldn’t let him uncover my thighs, he looked me dead in the eye and asked, “Are you HIV positive? That moment shattered me.

No, I am not positive. Those spots were scars from a skin disease I battled back in 2022. I wanted to tell him about my struggles with my skin. To explain to him that these marks weren’t my fault, and that they just stamped themselves on me like a bad memory. I wanted to let him understand that I worked odd jobs to afford creams, pills, and lotions that never helped get rid of them. And when I got tired of trying, I hid under sweaters and trousers even in the blazing heat because I couldn’t bear the stares. For some reason, I knew no explanation would make any difference.

In all my relationships, I never tried to show these scars but with Adonis, I did. He never made me feel he saw them until that night. The way he looked at them when he finally yanked the blankets off spelt pure disgust. I found myself wishing he hadn’t seen them.

As I recoiled from him, all the little things made sense. The way he kissed me was always without passion. It was as if he was sipping hot porridge he didn’t want to swallow. The way he touched me half-heartedly. He had seen the spots all along and they made me undesirable to him. But he decided not to talk about them until he needed an excuse to leave me.

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When he walked out of my place the next morning I knew it was over. He did not even say goodbye. He just walked out of my house and my life, and never looked back.

I was left alone. Embarrassed. Feeling exposed. Scared, because I know he told his friends. I have always struggled with low self-esteem because of my skin, so when he walked out on me, I wasn’t just heartbroken I felt humiliated.

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

Now I wish my heart could learn to stop falling for people until one day these marks fade away. So that no man would leave me because of them.

Adonai, if you ever think of me again, I hope you don’t remember me as “the dark-spotted girl.”

—Lucky 

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