I am the eldest of nine children. Sadly, my father has passed, but my mother is still alive and active. Out of all nine children, I am the only one currently working and earning an income. Our lastborn is in JHS 3, some of my siblings are in various institutions and close to completing, and one is a graduate who is still seriously looking for work. This means that I shoulder the responsibilities in my family.
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Before I became old enough to take up the role, my mother was the one doing almost everything for us. Even when my dad was alive, it was still my mum who made sure we stayed in school. I remember a time when I almost dropped out of school because of school fees. When I asked my dad for money, he said, “I am sorry, Kazali, I don’t have it. You know I will give it to you if I have it.”
My mother also didn’t have money but she didn’t sit by and fold her hands between her legs. She sold three of her cows to raise the money. That’s my mother for you. By the time I completed school and stood on my feet, she had sold all her assets and possessions to put me and my siblings through school.
In return, I have set up a small business for her in our village. I wish she would move from the village to live with me, my wife, and our four children in the district I work in but she says she won’t do it. She seems too attached to the place to leave. So I do my best to support her from where I am. I also don’t interfere or try to take anything from her business — it’s all hers.
Now, just as I carry the responsibilities in my extended family, I do the same in my marriage. I set up three businesses for my wife but she managed them so poorly that they all collapsed. So now I have decided to let her get a job with her degree. She is yet to get one so everything falls on me. I am not complaining though. If anything, I have been making plans for us to move to the city.
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I believe the move will help my wife access better opportunities. It will also help me enjoy some city life. Because of this, I have acquired a plot of land in the city. I bought some trucks of sand and deposited them there. I don’t want to relocate my family until I at least put up a two-bedroom house we can live in.
My original plan was to finish the project and move last year. However, I have been having second thoughts about prioritising my comfort over my mother’s. Considering that she won’t leave the village, I am thinking I should rather invest my resources into building a spacious one-bedroom self-contained house for her over there.
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I can only do one project for now so if I do hers, ours will be on hold. I don’t mind making that sacrifice for her comfort. After all, she sacrificed everything for us.
However, choosing my mother’s project would mean my wife would remain in our district with limited access to opportunities. I am having sleepless nights thinking about what to do in the best interest of everyone. My mother deserves everything. If I lean toward her, would that mean I don’t care about helping my wife find where she can thrive most?
—Kazali
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There’s nothing wrong with helping your mum, but your wife and children should come first. Your mother has 9 children. If you want to build a house for her, solicit for funds from your siblings so you guys can build together. Since you mentioned that your siblings are not in a strong place financially, then put it on hold. Moving to the city also increases the chances of your wife getting a job and easing some of the burden on you which means that you’ll be able to complete your projects faster.
But really it’s a difficult choice, however you’ve offered to move your mum in with you and she’s refused. And building for your family will please the greatest number of people. As soon as you complete the house in the city, plan for your mum’s house. And aim for something bigger for her. A nice three bedroom so that you’ll be able to visit her freely and so that your younger siblings will be comfortable too.
Build for your mom please. That woman has suffered so much. You wouldn’t have been where you are today if not for the sacrifices she made. God knows, you have tried in helping your wife. 3 business and they have all collapsed. After building for your mom, you can move to the city. It will surprise you, the blessings that will come your way if you do this. The question is, is your wife ready to work?
Well said sir
You have bought the land and put sand there,build it.do the city project,then U can plan on doing one for your mum.yout mum also wants U comfortable, remember.just ensure she is well
Bro you have done really well ans I give you a pat on your back .Your mum has somewhere living comfortably now i guess so you can build the city house first, move there and then build one for your mum too ;hopefully she is still alive by then . Even if she doesn’t live to that time, you have done well for her by giving her a business she is managing very well . Dont force her to move to the city with you,allow her to live and enjoy the rest of her years where she wants . For your wife dierrr ….sorry man ,only of she knows what you went through, she would have been serous now .Speak some sense into her head . How can you mismanage 3 businesses????