I’ve been dating Felix for about six months now. So far, it has been an incredible journey. It feels like God looked into my soul and saw exactly what I needed in a man and brought him to me. Relationships are not easy, I know, but every stage of what we share has been seamless.

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Every time we spend together is an opportunity to get to know each other better, and we make sure we use it meaningfully. That’s why I can say that though it’s been months, we’ve gotten to know each other deeply, at least that’s what I believed. He made bonding with him happen naturally. No stress, no unnecessary quarrels. Things have just been peaceful, fun, and effortless. As though the stars aligned and brought our paths together. This beautiful connection we share feels like it was just meant to be.

We’ve created amazing memories. We’ve travelled together, shared laughter, and inside jokes. Just recently, we travelled to the U.S. Whenever we are doing something together as a couple I tell myself, “This feels right. I am right where I belong.”

I felt safe and comfortable enough to be my complete self around him. I was sure he was not hiding any part of himself from me either. Truly, I used to say without a doubt that this relationship has been one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time.

Until recently, the only problem I had was the fact that despite our closeness, we haven’t met each other’s families yet. Even with that, I was sure it would happen when the time was right.

While I was waiting for us to take that step, my curiosity led me to discover certain things about him that have shaken the very foundations of everything I once believed about our relationship.

While I was cooking at his place one day, I stumbled upon his diary. I know it wasn’t right to read it but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to know who he was between those pages. It was a chance to learn more about him on a deeper, intimate level.

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I didn’t expect to find things he didn’t already tell me, but I was shocked to discover things about his past that he has never shared with me—things that left me wondering if I really know the man I’ve been building my life with. For instance, there was a time when he got another woman pregnant. He didn’t write anything about what happened to the pregnancy. I would like to know but here lies the case where he has never spoken to me about it.

Now, I don’t know what to think. Is it within his right not to tell me, even though he gave me the impression that I know everything there is to know about him? What other important secrets is he hiding from me? I don’t want to invest more of myself into this relationship, and later find out that it was all smoke and mirrors.

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I feel disheartened, confused, and heartbroken. Part of me wants to trust the process, believe in the bond we share, and give him a chance to explain. But another part of me wonders if this is a red flag that I shouldn’t ignore.

So, I’m reaching out for advice. Considering I invaded his privacy to discover this truth, should I act like I don’t know anything and wait for him to share this information with me when he is ready? Or should I let go now before I discover more secrets about him that might hurt me?

—Billie

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