I asked why he and his baby mama did not end up getting married. He answered that there were arguments about their tribal differences, and both families could not come to a mutual agreement to see them married. That was why. They fought for their love but eventually had to give up on their happily-ever-after tale and settle for co-parenting. I am the third lady he has dated since their breakup. I asked about the other two women as well, and he said they were not serious and were seeing other people, so he had to let them go. “What about his relationship with his baby mama?”  They are cordial. What about baby mama drama? He said I was not going to experience any of that because his baby mama was also “cool.” I heaved a sigh of relief. I was not going to face any baby mama drama.

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Just a few months into the relationship, his baby mama was already sabotaging it. Why am I saying this with so much conviction? She calls him late at night to confess her undying love for him and express her desire to rekindle their relationship, even though she knows he is with me.

She has even stopped sending the GH₵1,000 she used to contribute towards the child’s upkeep because he is still with me. She calls at odd hours, sacred hours meant for lovers, to check up on a child who is sleeping peacefully. I have heard her speak about me as if she knows me personally, and all the things she had to say were ugly and demanding.

At some point, my boyfriend blocked her, but of course, they have a child together, and they need to check in and communicate about the child. That could not work.

I didn’t know dating a baby daddy could be traumatising, but it is. Not only that, but it is confusing as well. I honestly do not know what to do. We have had elders speak to her on our behalf. We told her that if we had wronged her, knowingly or unknowingly, we were sorry, but she should let us be. That changed nothing. She would call to speak to her child, and I could sense the bitterness in her voice. Because of that, she and my boyfriend would end up quarrelling over the slightest mistake. They cannot have a conversation without exchanging words.

I called her. It began to feel like I was at the centre of the problem, and since there is a child in the mix, I didn’t want the child to be affected. Shockingly, we spoke calmly. I asked her to forgive us for our sins, knowingly and unknowingly. She accepted my apology. Since then, she has been calm whenever she calls.

Everything seems fine now, but sometimes I wonder whether I am making the wrong decision by staying with this man. I fear that things could get much worse if I marry him, especially since we are already making plans to get married.

My boyfriend sometimes acts as though he still has feelings for his baby mama. He occasionally has private chats with her and deletes them afterwards. He also tries to do anything to pamper her and keep her happy. Whenever I notice these things and ask him about them, he tells me he is only doing it because he wants her to continue sending the money for the child’s upkeep. “It does not mean I still love her,” he said.

My boyfriend is 31 and has been living in his father’s house for a very long time. It is only recently that we found a place for him, and he is moving into it. His father didn’t exactly like it when I spent the night or several days at his house, especially since we are not married.

While we were packing his belongings, we found some items they had bought for their marriage. Their engagement ring was still safely kept in its box, collecting fine dust every now and then. I asked him to discard the ring because it was not my size and could not be reused for me. He refused at first, and we had several arguments before he finally agreed to throw it away.

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Our relationship is barely a year old, but I already feel tired, sad, and confused. I do not know whether I should end the relationship or stay and hope things will get better.

Whenever I try to leave, he cries and apologises, making it difficult for me to walk away.

Please, what should I do?