When he gives me money, he finds a way to take it back. At first, I didn’t know that was what he was doing but now I see his act clearly. He would give me the money to take care of my needs, and then come back a few days later and say, “Babe, if you haven’t used the money I gave you yet, please I need to use it urgently. I will return it very soon.” I would give it to him but he wouldn’t bring it back as promised.

Honestly, if I had seen this side of him early, I wouldn’t be in this situation with him today. We’ve been together for a year now and I am currently three months pregnant with his child. My man is a soldier while I used to work with a private organization. The company has a policy against hiring pregnant women. That’s why I had to quit when I found out I was pregnant.

I didn’t have much in my savings when I quit. When I discussed this with my boyfriend and asked him to support me financially through the pregnancy he said, “I don’t have money. Just try and survive on your savings.” I was surprised. “I don’t have enough money in my savings. Whatever amount I have left there will not take me past one month.” He still insisted he didn’t have money. This is a thirty-two-year-old man who has a job.

It’s important to me that he steps up and takes responsibility for the pregnancy so I involved my family in the matter. They reached out to him but his response was very rude. I felt so embarrassed when they told me the things he said to them. It was then I realized that I made a mistake by getting involved with Nii.

I live in a rented apartment on my own while he lives with his parents and siblings. Now, my rent is due. I asked him to help me renew it and and he is asking me to come and stay with him. For the past year, we have been together, I have visited him at home about five times. And I can boldly say that his mother hasn’t been receptive toward me. “I am not sure that it will be in either your mother’s or my interest for me to move in with you,” I explained.

He said he didn’t have money to pay my rent so the best he could was ask me to live with him. I am not happy that it took this pregnancy for me to figure out my man. I know some people will ask if I didn’t see all the signs before getting pregnant for him but I honestly didn’t. This was a guy who used to give me money when we first started dating.

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The first five months of our relationship were good. He was kind, gentle, and very loving. He was always eager to attend to my needs. I am not one to ask my man for stuff and he knew this about me. So he always gave me without me having to ask him for it. This made me believe that he was a provider. I felt I could rely on him for anything and he would show up for me. That’s why I am surprised that now that he needs to provide, he is dragging his feet.

All those times that he started making excuses not to give me money, I didn’t think much of it. I felt I was not the one working into his pocket so I had no right to expect anything of him. Nonetheless, things have changed. I am pregnant with his child and I had to quit my job because of it. He has accepted responsibility for the pregnancy but he is not willing to do what is necessary for me and the baby to survive.

I know that sometimes men act out of character when the news of pregnancy comes up. Is this one of those things? should I give him time to process things and hopefully come around? Because I am considering terminating the pregnancy. At three months, it hasn’t gone far. Maybe I need to do what’s necessary before it gets too late. If not, if he doesn’t come around, my life is going to be so dramatic because of him. Please, advise me on what to do before it’s too late.

—Meg

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