The first challenge we faced in our marriage had to do with the way my wife treated my first son. I had my son before we got married. So I knew it would take some time before my wife and son both start getting along as a mother and her son should. However, it took longer than expected for that to happen. We even had our own kids before my wife finally accepted my son as her own.
Just after we overcame that hurdle, another one came our way. This particular trouble was in the body of my ex-girlfriend. I don’t know how it happened but she seduced me. My ex, I mean. As if that was not enough, she sent pictorial evidence of our affair to my wife. As expected, she was livid. It almost cost me my marriage but I apologized until she forgave me.
I promised her that it wouldn’t happen again, and I have kept that promise with every fibre of my being. It took a lot of work and effort to get the marriage back on track but I was dedicated to making it work so we did it. I felt the time of having challenges was behind us after we succeeded in restoring peace in our home.
I was so happy that I told my wife, “Now that we are in a good place, we will take our marriage to the next level. We will enjoy everything there is to enjoy in marriage. You will be happy, you will see.” She just smiled at me sweetly in agreement. I didn’t suspect that she was doing anything she was not supposed to do.
One day I decided to go through her phone out of boredom. I wasn’t looking for anything. I was just passing time. A strong wind blew and accidentally pushed me into her WhatsApp messenger. The first message I opened was between her and a married man. Everything I saw in the chat showed that they were having an affair.
Although I was completely heartbroken, I didn’t confront her immediately. I monitored their chats for a while before I brought it up. She looked at my face and told me, “There is nothing going on between us. We are just friends.” I was angry when she lied but I reminded myself that I am not a saint. I too have had my moments of weakness. So if this is her time, I should be supportive.
I told her, “I know you are having an affair. I am hurt but I forgive you. Put an end to it and let’s continue rebuilding our marriage.” She agreed with me. She said, “You are right. The kind of conversations I have with him are not good. I will stop.” For some reason, I believed her.
Not knowing she asked the man to change his number, and they started chatting on that number. She said worse things to him than she did in their previous chats. One of her messages read, “I don’t let my husband touch me anymore because I love you more than I love him.” When I saw that message I reported her to her elder brother. He called her and talked to her.
When she realized I was monitoring her chats, she changed her password. Her excuse was that I was invading her privacy.
I engaged a pastor to counsel both of us. I didn’t want to involve our church because of the disgrace that would accompany our family if behaviour came to light.
The issue is when we talk to her to stop the affair, she would agree to do it. But then she would turn around and devise a new method to continue talking to and seeing the man.
I had a private investigator follow her around for a while and he reported that she still sees the man. So I involved her family officially. That was in October last year. My wife got angry with me when her family called to address the issue. “Why did you have to go and disgrace me in front of our families?” She yelled. Her mother promised to set up a meeting but up to now, it hasn’t happened.
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I put a tracker in her car and realized she was still driving to go and see him under various excuses. “I am going to the saloon,” she would say. Sometimes she would use work. Other times too she would use the market as an excuse to go and meet her lover.
Just when I was considering my next step, I got nominated to travel outside to do a fully funded course for a year and a half in China. Not taking that offer will mean losing my job so I am presently in China. It is not easy being here knowing what she is probably doing in my absence.
He Says He Can’t Date Me Because I’m Too Beautiful
Due to this, I decided to opt for divorce but I am so confused as to whether that’s the best thing to do. Divorce is the last thing I want. I am a product of a broken family and I know the effects it has on children. That’s what I don’t want my kids to experience that. My wife doesn’t understand this. She rather gets angry when I confront her about her affair.
I wanted to call for a separation instead but I am not sure about that either. If we are separated, she will still continue to make a fool out of me seeing as I will have to continue to take care of her while she gets the freedom to continue what she is doing as well as parade herself as a married woman. What do I do? Our marriage is eight years old. And our kids are twelve, six, and three.
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—Louise
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My dear tell your wife your fears. If not give her an ultimatum I.e if she won’t change and goes around freely having an affair then you will give her that freedom in the form of a divorce. If she wants her marriage she will come around. After this don’t have sex with her until she is tested. Besides this, lay down rules for her. Don’t forget to pray . No one wants divorce but sometimes it’s our gateway to freedom.
I strongly disagree. 2 wrongs can never make a right but she made up her mind when the husband cheated and she decided to go through that same route. What if she has been cheating way before the husband, what if she was smart at first bout it and he never found out before she was sent photos of him cheating on her with his sex? If I was the guy, I’d divorce way before I leave for china. Yes, I’ll do it bcos seeing the msg she sent to the married guy, it shows she never truly loved him in the first place. As for the guy, he brought this upon himself by cheating on her with his ex. The best way to go is DIVORCE cos the wife is gone for good.
Do not engage her in any conversation, Serve her divorce papers on grounds of infidelity with evidence. Take custody of de kids and let be free to do whatever she wants to do. You are a Man. Even after 60years and 10 kids, Women will still flock to you. She on the other hand, will loose you, stability, and after the Man is done with her will dump her and not marry her.
You are a Man, Be a man. She knows you are weak and can not do anything. You see a Chat of her saying She dont sleep with you coz She dont love you. And Instead of you to sack her immidiately, U go around telling people to advise her. She knows you are weak and a pushover and she expected you to be tough not a p***y. What if lets Say she stops seeing the Man. You will take her back?? After all the Disgrace,Insults and shame she has brought you, your standards are so low dat u will accept her back?… Do you know what it takes for a Married woman to turn into a whore fo another married Man?..
Only God know de amount of drilling,nd nasty sex he has done to your wife. He uses yo wife to satisfy himself wenever he is tired of his wife,like a spare tyre.
Sack her immidiately u come hom for vacation, nd deny her access to yo kids. Also do a DNA test on de kids to confirm if they are truely yours. Then look for another woman to marry. You are a Man and the Prize. Time is on yo side and u are a successful man. Ladies will flock to you
Asem oooo, hmmmm she hasn’t forgiven you, it is hard for her to forgive, it is a revenge she is taking on you, someone who do don’t own a forgiving heart is difficult to leave with, free her, let her have the freedom she desires to have, but if she dares leave this marriage and come back later don’t accept her, don’t come and tell us any story, an adulterous woman is an outcast, men are adulterous and we condemn it , how more dan you the woman
You are taking your guilt trip to far! You fumbled, you remedied. That’s no reason for payback let alone blatant and repeated infidelity! I don’t think your wife is ready to change if ever. You need to let her go to maintain your sanity. Monitoring her will only give you more heartache.
You fumbled and you remedied so what’s the big deal? I can say for free your wife has been cheating on your wayyy before she was sent those pictures of your and your ex. She was just smart about it, Now, you have just one thing to do and it’s to end the marriage and DIVORCE her ASAP!! As for the kids, they’ll be okay. You are just gonna hurt ursef the more by overthinking and believing she’ll change. Remember the text you read and couple of other sultry, sexy, sensual and sexual msgs they are exchanging. To make matters worse, she’s cheating on you with another married man. Come on, you lost that woman the moment she found out that you had a thing with your ex
I will not be surprised if the wife had set you up with your ex to cover up for her long standing affair with the married man. Take your time to investigate my assertion because it is extremely difficult for your ex to seduce you and send the pictures to your wife unless you wronged her which you have not indicated in your wrote up. Please know that a man can have sex and not be emotional attached but the same cannot be said of a woman. Please be careful she might poison you in the end to cover her trucks and gain her freedom
Louise,
In the intricate dance of marriage, love, and forgiveness, life often leads us down unexpected paths. The story you’ve shared is filled with twists and turns, showcasing the complexities of human relationships. While I can’t make a decision for you, I can offer some thoughts and perspectives.
It’s clear that both you and your wife have made mistakes in your marriage. You admitted your own indiscretion early on, and you worked hard to make amends and rebuild your relationship. However, her continued affair has understandably hurt you deeply. This situation is undoubtedly painful and challenging.
Consider a few possible steps you might take:
Communication: Continue to talk openly with your wife. Honest and respectful communication is essential. Express your feelings, concerns, and expectations, and give her the opportunity to do the same. Sometimes, sharing your own vulnerability can lead to understanding and empathy.
Counseling: You’ve mentioned involving a pastor in your relationship, but considering professional marriage counseling might be beneficial. A therapist can help both of you work through your issues, offering guidance on how to heal and rebuild trust.
Legal Advice: Given the complexity of your situation, you might want to consult with an attorney to understand your legal options. Laws regarding divorce and child custody vary by jurisdiction, and it’s essential to be informed about your rights and responsibilities.
Support Network: Lean on friends and family for emotional support during this challenging time. They can provide a listening ear and offer guidance based on their own experiences.
Patience and Understanding: Healing takes time, and it’s essential to recognize that both of you have made mistakes. While it’s difficult, try to empathize with her situation and struggles, even as you maintain your boundaries.
Ultimately, the decision to continue or end the marriage is a deeply personal one. Your concern for the well-being of your children is understandable, but it’s also important to consider your own happiness and well-being.
In the end, no one can make this decision for you. Take the time you need to reflect on your feelings, and consider seeking the guidance of a qualified therapist who can help you navigate this challenging juncture in your life. Remember, the path forward may not be straightforward, but with time, effort, and understanding, you can find a resolution that is best for you and your family.
-Atieno-
Please get hard evidence like in the act evidence like you exs kind of evidence before you start any divorce proceedings. Before that present her with your facts of evidences and let her make the choice.
A life full of regrets of not trying hard enough to salvage a situation is equally as depressing. You can go ahead and cut all ties knowing you gave your all and that you did your best, then you would find true peace from your freedom. All the best
The kids sef no be your own ma broda..
Massa you want to continue being married to a chronic promiscuous woman. This is what I call a man in love. You really love your wife, well continue till the day it clears from your eye top. That’s when she’s brought you so much bad luck that your life is going reverse. Your mum can’t be alive to allow you entertain such nonsense ooo.
And about the broken home thing, your first child is experiencing that so please don’t use that as an excuse.
This woman is a habitual cheat…and unfortunately, you’re not a man enough to put her right…stop pampering her treat her like the whore she is. She’s been in this act for long but you’re only just realizing. Just try and get screenshoots of her all chats if possible to start gathering your evidence for smooth divorce.
A marriage is first and foremost a meeting of two adult minds.
When that meeting of minds ends, the marriage starts to end. No matter the home addresses of the two, the number of children they have, the church they attend, bank accounts held, etc, etc.
So when people talk about broken homes, it’s not only when the couples are divorced or separated. It gets broken far earlier.
This marriage is already broken. The Man should wake up and smell the coffee.
I will not be surprised if the wife had set you up with your ex to cover up for her long standing affair with the married man. Take your time to investigate my assertion because it is extremely difficult for your ex to seduce you and send the pictures to your wife unless you wronged her which you have not indicated in your write up. Please know that a man can have sex and not be emotional attached but the same cannot be said of a woman. Please be careful she might poison you in the end to cover her trucks and gain her freedom
May be you should confront the man and let him know you are aware of his relationship with your wife. If he pretends to be innocent, serve him with evidence. Monitor them for a while. If he still persists, find his wife and serve her with a tip of the iceberg. That will shake his home. If he loves his wife, he will begin to withdraw himself from your wife. If not then…..I pray for your sanity.