We had dated for only a year when I travelled to Canada for greener pastures. I left with a promise. I told her no matter what happened to me abroad, I would return to marry her, so she should stay loyal to me, as I was going to stay loyal to her. She promised, crossed her heart, and hoped to die if she ever cheated on me.

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I left with a heavy heart, but I also knew it was for the best. She was the first person I called when I got to Canada. When I started working and earning, she was the first person I ever sent money to. Our love travelled beyond borders because we gave it wings to fly. We talked every day and were on video calls even when I didn’t have anything to say.

She wasn’t working when I left the country, but God being so good, a few months after I left, she started working. When she started working, she received pressure from her parents to get married because she was not getting any younger. She called to tell me. One day, when her dad was in her room having that conversation with her, she dialed my number and asked me to stay silent and listen in.

The man said, “Are you waiting until menopause calls you by name before you think about marriage? Stay there and be thinking about a man abroad. Don’t you listen to the news and how these abroad people disappoint their girlfriends and marry women where they are?”

I wished I could say something to this old man to assure him that I was different and determined to do the right thing. I listened for several minutes while this man talked about marriage as if it were something that falls from the sky. Of course, my girlfriend defended me, but her dad had lived long enough to know more than she did, so she couldn’t convince him.

When he walked out of her room, I told her, “Your dad isn’t lying. These things happen often, but he doesn’t know I’m the one you’re dealing with and not just those men who couldn’t keep their word.”

I asked her to give me a year. The love I had for her grew threefold from that day on, knowing very well that she was standing on the promise I gave her. So one day, she made me speak to her dad. He wasn’t convinced, but I asked him to trust me and wait for a few months. Her mother was very receptive. She said she was praying for me to do the right thing.

Five months after the first conversation with her dad, I sent my family over to do the knocking and get the dowry list, which they did. I joined them on the phone while my family was there. I heard everything, and they even allowed me to say something.

Two months after the knocking rite, we got married traditionally. Yes, I wasn’t there physically, but my heart, soul, and whole being were there spiritually. It was a happy day for me. I didn’t know happiness could happen in a proxy marriage, but that day proved that in love, everything is possible.

After the ceremony, I stayed on the phone with her dad for over an hour. He thanked me for bringing honour to his household and advised me not to keep his daughter waiting forever. I had my plans. I had already spent three years in Canada and was planning to visit Ghana, but I didn’t tell them, not even my wife.

After the wedding, I had to take her away from her parents’ home to signify the transition from a girl who once lived with her parents to a woman who lives in her husband’s house. I asked her to look for a place for us. “It should be big enough for the two of us,” I said. “Why are you talking as if you’re even going to live with me there?”

She got the place. I was on the phone during the negotiation. I spoke to the landlord. I asked for a discount and pleaded for him to consider even one year’s rent. The landlord said no. A few days later, I sent close to GH₵50,000 to my wife to rent the place.

We needed a fridge, I sent money. We needed a bed, I sent money. We needed a TV and sofa, I sent money for those too. Even a carpet—she told me about it, and I sent money. The vision was to bring her to Canada before our two-year rent expired, but it didn’t stop me from decorating our house to make her comfortable.

Six months after the marriage, I left Canada to be with the wife I had married and enjoy the home I had built. I didn’t tell her I was coming. It was meant to be a surprise. I came to Ghana, went to my parents’ house, and asked my dad to ask her to visit. When she got there and saw me, she didn’t know how to act. All she said was, “Oh my God, oh my God! Why would you do this to me?”

I hugged her. My bag was ready, and a car was waiting. I told her to take me home. That was when the problem started. “I didn’t know you were coming, so the place is not well kept.” I said it was fine. She said, “Oh, you don’t understand what I’m saying. Because I was alone there, I left to stay with my mom, so the place is in a mess.” I said I was ready to help her clean it up.

“Oh no, I can’t do that. Let me go home and later come for you when all is well.”

I stopped insisting and allowed her to go. For four days, she played hide-and-seek with me until I grew suspicious and went to her parents’ house. I learned the bitter truth that no house was rented and no house items were bought. My wife was still living with her parents.

“But you showed me photos of the room? I even spoke with the landlord of the place. You bought the sofa and sent me the photos. You mean all those were fake?”

She said her dad had retired and her mom’s business was suffering, so she invested the money in her mother’s business so they could have money for the house. When I asked her parents, they didn’t know anything about the money. I asked her several times, but she couldn’t say what she used the money for.

I spent one month in Ghana, but I didn’t stay a day with her. I was so disappointed. I felt let down and wanted to disappear. Her parents did what parents do. They apologised and held my legs to forgive, but I was scared. It could have been big money. It could have been something larger than just rent money. What else wouldn’t she be truthful about?

I came back to Canada to cool off and think clearly about the future of my marriage. I talked to her normally as if nothing had happened. Then one day, she confessed that she used the money to process her own visa to Canada to surprise me. Later, she admitted she didn’t trust that I would bring her early enough, so she wanted to help.

What Nobody Tells You About Divorce

That made the issue worse for me. Whether she was telling me the truth or not, one thing remained clear—she isn’t someone I can trust with money or someone I can bring here to begin life with. What else can she do that I don’t know?

I still don’t know what to do with this marriage, but no matter what happens, this marriage will never be the same. We are fractured beyond repair.

—Johnson

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