I was in love with PK, but I had a boyfriend who was not in the country. We had dated for two years before he travelled to do his master’s. I’m in the same church as PK and am very close to him. I tried my best not to let him know my emotional state whenever I was with him. I was good at hiding my feelings, but maybe he knew, because along the line he proposed to me.
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He knew I had a boyfriend because he had met him before. When he proposed, I asked what I should do about my boyfriend, and he told me he would find a woman abroad, so we should go ahead and date. I didn’t buy that idea. I loved my boyfriend very much, and I wasn’t going to throw away two years of our lives just to start another one, but I didn’t leave the side of PK. We were still best of friends.
At some point, we got very close to doing things lovers do, but the Christ in me prevailed, and from that point on I decided to withdraw a little. He saw it and didn’t allow me to withdraw from him. The farther I went, the farther he came along. He was ready to take what we had a step forward, but I had a boyfriend.
My emotions were all over the place because of PK. I spoke to my friends about it, and they all advised that I should choose him since he was the one closer. I prayed about it but got no answers, so I decided to stick with my boyfriend and keep PK as a friend. We went on an emotional ride for over a year until one day, my boyfriend arrived from abroad.
I was frank with PK that I wasn’t going to be available to him because my boyfriend was in town, and he agreed. I was checking up on him, though we were not as close as we used to be. I called. I texted. I called him on video. While I grew in love with my boyfriend, PK started growing away from me until I heard he was dating Sandra, another lady in the church who walks like she’s better than anyone alive.
I called PK. I asked about it, and he answered, “We just started. I’m hoping it goes well.” I was blunt with him that a relationship with that girl wouldn’t go well, so he should stop it before it hurt him. He laughed at me and said I was cursing him, but I knew that girl. I knew her well enough to know the relationship wouldn’t end well.
A few months later, he was the same person who called to tell me the relationship had collapsed because Sandra was looking for more than he was. I don’t know why, but I was very happy that it had ended, and for the first time in a long while, I went to visit him. I thought he was hurting, so I went to console him. I had no intention of going to see him, but I got there and that proverbial one thing led to another happened.
I was very happy doing it, but after it happened, I felt disoriented. I had held on for so long only to allow myself to let it go. I felt I had committed the greatest sin. I couldn’t look my boyfriend in the eyes. When he called, I talked to him like I had something to hide, but he didn’t see it. PK was like, “I know I’m the one you want, so why don’t you make a choice and let’s start what we have started?”
I hated him for saying that to me. I felt he was disrespecting my boyfriend after sleeping with his girlfriend. I pulled away. I made it a point to stay far from him and not talk to him again. I met him in church and looked away. He called, and I watched the call end on my phone. I even blocked him and later unblocked him.
Later, when we talked, we agreed to build boundaries, and I begged him to respect my relationship enough not to hurt it. He agreed, but my heart was burning anytime I saw him. The only thing I felt would cure the desire was marriage, so I asked my boyfriend to marry me. He asked, “What’s chasing you out there? That’s too sudden.”
We had dated for four years, and he was calling my request for marriage sudden. It angered me so much that I ran to PK to complain, and it happened again. This time I didn’t feel bad about it. It felt like the right punishment for a boyfriend who wouldn’t do what is expected of him. At a point, I thought of confessing to him so he would get angry and leave me alone—all because he called four years of dating sudden.
But I also have to do some introspection. If I love PK the way I think I do, what stops me from leaving my boyfriend for him? And if I love my boyfriend the way I say I do, then what pushed me into having an affair with PK? These two questions are what I’m grappling with currently. My boyfriend doesn’t look like he’s going to marry me soon, and it also doesn’t look like I will stop seeing PK on the side.
I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen
I’m here asking what I should do to resolve this headless kind of situation I’m currently in. I don’t know if it’s love I’m feeling or confusion shrouded in the cloth of love. I can swear what I feel for PK is love, but if PK can do this with me knowing very well that I’m dating, then it means he has no respect for me. If my boyfriend can call my need for marriage sudden after dating for four years, then he also has no good plans for me. Where do I go from here?
Should I just disappear and go far from both? Or should I stay and put my emotions in order so I can make a good decision out of the two? Do I even know what a good decision is?
—Dora
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Since you decided to play it with both men and one is reluctant to your marriage request, then throw your request to the other one. If he also rejects it then part ways on both men
I also pity the time you spend in a church whose members go on sleeping around!!
PK will never trust you.
If you allowed to have a no-strings attached relationship with him while dating, he knows the kind of person you are. He knows you are good at cheating. He will be doomed to marry you.
You are in love with PK but loyal to your boyfriend. You live only once. Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you let alone love you. How can you date a woman for 4 years and call marriage names. Dump him and take your chances with PK. While I appreciate your fears, one thing is for sure. He has always loved you
This is what I think , I don’t think your reason to cheat with PK was good enough . You realtor wanted to find something to make you feel less guilty for sleeping with PK .your boyfriend didn’t abuse you , neither did he cheat on to be frank he didn’t even insult you ,he only asked a question about why the rush ? Meaning he saw a change in you. A sudden haste to marry as soon as possible and so I am sure your boyfriend knew something was up. He just couldn’t figure you out , but then you decided to use his answer as a motivation to cheat on him . Sleeping with PK based on a no strings attached relationship will only make him see you as a cheater and cheap asset , that’s the truth , Moreover , I thought you are a child of God , if you really are a child of God ,you shouldn’t have slept with PK because before God , you have fornicated , you don’t love yourselves now , you only lust for each other and it’s only a matter of time before you realize you played your self. Biblically your foundation to stand a chance of a Godly marriage with PK has been ruined , I don’t know which church you go to but you should have known this . If I were you I would do the Honourable thing by breaking up with your boyfriend , please let him go and don’t act innocent only for him to marry you , if you marry your boyfriend under this pretense , PK will still sleep with you because he knows that your values are that cheap as he go you under no strings ,and you know what sucks ? You will be hurt your boyfriend soo much because he married a cheating whore and you will always be angry with him for no reason because you now see certain that you don’t like him anymore . You have ruined both chances now with your boyfriend and PK . You fucked up real bad and that’s why you are confused , if I were you I would start over again because if you marry your boyfriend out of pity ,Believe me your marriage willl eventually end because as time goes on you will wish he dórenla things like PK but your boyfriend is a different person and can never be PK.
I have said soo much but I know this will tally with your spirit .you fucked up real bad but it’s not too late to start over again .
U women always run from accountability.ur boyfriend doesn’t respect u meanwhile u are the one disrespecting him by cheating on him and guilty tripping him for ur own selfish gain.he never said anything bad but u know for sure the reason why u want him to marry thus finding excuse to blame him.u see ur own enemy here.pray he doesn’t find out about it,u will loose both men na ati w) weni sun
Your analysis though perfect is confusing you. I think the quantum of these two lovers is different, I believe PK loves you more to the extent that he is all out to wrestle you from your primary boyfriend of 4 years. For me, your boyfriend has over dated you! Four years are more than enough to settle with you, but he is in no hurry, maybe because he’s not very certain about you yet, I think it’s good he waited and you have proven your disloyalty for him. For this reason, I suggest you choose PK and break up with your boyfriend. PK is in hurry to make you all his and it’s reasonable you give him the chance. Normally it’s far better to marry a person who loves you more than you love him/her. Good luck 🤞
You expect people to respect you when you have no self-worth? You willing slept with someone who is not your husband before accusing that same sex partner of disrespecting vr damn relationship. While u are sure to lose both men, i only pity the next man you trap with marriage. Women shoul have some shame abeg.