I was at the table when she came. She asked if I was alone. I wasn’t. I was at the table with two other friends who had left to take calls outside. She was a beautiful lady and I was raised in an era where priority was given to women. “Ladies first” so when she asked if I was alone, I said yes. She sat next to me and put her purse on the table. When my friends came and saw her with me, they didn’t say much. They just looked around for empty seats and went to where they could find one.

I didn’t like the emptiness that existed between us so I asked questions. It’s a woman’s world but men can ask questions. “Who are you here for, the bride or the groom?” She told me she was there for the bride. They were mates and also belonged to a group. I told her how I became friends with the groom. Our childhood days chasing lizards and trapping birds. She laughed. She eased down and even called me interesting.

Someone walked up to her and they started chatting heartily. They were old friends who hadn’t seen each other in ages. When the friend was about to leave, she asked for a photo. They posed and asked me to take them with my iPhone. Her friend mistakenly thought we were together. She also didn’t explain. After the photos, her friend told her, “Send them to me when you get home.” Again she didn’t explain. It was when her friend had left that she remarked, “She thought we were together. She’s probably going to tell friends that she saw me with my husband. She’s gotten it all wrong.”

The vibe was good so I asked her name and she said, Theresa. When it was time for food, I told her not to worry. I got up, stayed in the queue and got food for her and myself. She was grateful. She joked, “I hope you didn’t put anything in it?” I answered, “Oh I did but it won’t kill you. You’ll only end up seeing me as Prince Charming.”

We laughed over it and had a good time over the food. We took some selfies. She rested her head on my shoulder and smiled broadly as if she had known me for ages. I gave the phone to her, I stood behind her and struck a pose, and she snapped. I hugged her from behind and she pressed the stutter. In my mind, I’ve met a woman I could be friends with for a while and stretch it to see if she could be my girlfriend. Her easygoing spirit made me love her the more.

Before parting, I asked for contact. She gave me her phone and said, “Type your number and let me call you.” She made it flawless. Like she was into me the way I was into her. I typed my number. She dialled it. I was looking on my phone to see her number calling but she cut in, “Sorry I’m out of credit. Let me mention it to you.”

I gave her my phone and she typed her contact. She asked me, “Do you have any Theresa on your phone?” I shook my head. She saved her number with the name “Theresa Wedding.” She said, “It’s easier that way. Goodbye. I’ll be expecting your call.”

I ran to the table of my guys. They were observing proceedings from where they were seated. Immediately they saw me they screamed, “My guy! You that ooo.” I said humbly, “She’s different, trust me. If I get her, you’ll attend our wedding next year.” They screamed, “Eiii you that!” They didn’t believe me but I’d gone to my future and had seen Theresa and me living together as a couple. She was carrying my baby. I called her Thessy and she called me Bossy. You can’t blame me. I found her at a wedding. Singles dream of their own wedding at a wedding.

I got home, bathed and applied some perfume. I was coming to call a new love so I wanted it to be a special moment. I lay on my back looking at the ceiling with my phone stuck to my ears and ringing; kuuun kuuun. Kuun kuuun. When the phone was answered, I said hello. The hello was spiced to sound better in her ears. The voice on the other side responded, “Hello…”

I paused. As if I didn’t hear the voice well. I said hello again and the voice echoed the hello back to me. It was a male voice, thick and smokey. I asked humbly, “Can I speak to Theresa?” He asked who I was and I mentioned my name. “Tell her Boss is calling.” There was a silence for several seconds. He asked, “But why are you looking for Theresa on my number?”

I heard Theresa’s voice in the background saying, “Oh he’s the guy I told you about. The guy at the wedding.” They both burst out laughing. The guy said, “Oh Boss, this is Theresa’s boyfriend speaking. What can we do for you?” Theresa was still laughing in the background. The man in me diminished. The swagger in my countenance before the call took flight. I said, “Don’t worry. I didn’t know it was your number.”

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The guy teasingly pleaded with me not to hang up; “Oh she’s here. What do you want to tell her? You thought you’d found a free chick, me boa? She’s here, come and carry go. You meet someone today, you took her number and you’re calling her this late night. That’s what you do to snatch people’s girlfriends me boa? What makes you think a beautiful girl like this is single? Are you the only man who knows what’s beautiful? You even went for food for her. Is that how you treat the women in your life? Then why are you single?”

Theresa was giggling in the background. Not only giggling but she was adding fuel to the flame; “Tell him. Fuck boys nkoaa. He thinks I don’t know his type…” Then she screamed into the phone, “I’m not single wai, and I’m not cheap.”

The whole thing was like a kindergarten drama.  I was hurt but I was patient enough to allow them to roast me until they were tired. When I hung up the call, I pulled my clothes over me and tried to sleep. I couldn’t sleep. My ego was bruised. I didn’t do anything wrong to deserve the way they treated me. I was kind to her. I took photos of her. I brought food. I kept her company. I made her laugh. There’s a respectful way to ward off another man if you have a boyfriend. I thought I deserved that respect.

In the morning, I decided I was going to pay them back. They had love but has it gone through tests and tribulations? I didn’t believe so.

It took me a month to strike back. I used my other phone number. I sent one of the photos I took of her to her boyfriend and said, “Please be honest with me. Take me as your brother and spill the truth. Is this girl your girlfriend?”

I waited patiently for his response. He asked, “Who’s this?” I responded, “I discovered from my girlfriend’s messages that she’s dating you too. I just want us to talk man to man. How long have you been seeing her?”

He called my line and I picked up. He was clearly disturbed. You could hear his voice trembling. He asked me, “Do you have screenshots of the messages you read?” I answered, “Bro, I’m talking about serious issues and you’re there asking for screenshots? It’s OK. Continue with her I know what I will do.”

I cut the line and blocked him. “You want drama? Deal with this one.”

Later, a new number called me. I picked up and it was Theresa. She was shouting on top of her voice, “Where do I know you from? Who are you? Who sent you?” I responded, “Theresa, today you’re asking me who I am. Just tell me I’m not the one you want. Go straight to the point. You thought I would never know?  Go on but remember, you won’t have it easy in life for doing this to me.”

I cut the call and blocked her.

I never picked up any calls from new numbers until they stopped calling me. I don’t know how they acted the drama out but the guy texted. He was asking me how long I’d dated her. He was telling me he had his suspicions. He wanted me to meet him for a sit-down talk. I didn’t respond to any of his text messages.

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Maybe they survived it. Maybe they didn’t. Whatever the outcome, I know I successfully planted a tree of discord in their relationship. What they had would never be the same especially when they didn’t get closure from me. You’ll say I am wicked or I didn’t do it well and I’ll understand but let me tell you this, what they did to me on the phone still hurts anytime I think of it. I mean what did I do to deserve all that?

–Boss

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