My mom is a lovely woman. She’s warm, kind, and has the kind of personality that makes you feel instantly welcome. But, and this is a big but, she’s also incredibly pampered, what we call a dbee.

Growing up, my mom lived a life of comfort and luxury; her family was wealthy, and so she was treated like royalty. She never had to cook, clean, or do any house chores; that just wasn’t part of her world.

Even as a child, I never saw her lift a finger around the house. It was my grandmother who taught me how to wash clothes, clean, and handle household responsibilities. My mom just didn’t do anything.

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When you visit her, don’t expect her to cook or help out. She’ll sit back, relax, and expect you to take care of everything. That’s just how she’s always been. Her doing housework is like asking a Ken Agyapong delegate supporter to vote for Bawumia in the upcoming NPP delegates conference—nearly impossible.

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Now here’s the situation. My mom wants to move in with me, my wife, and our two little kids, ages three and one. On paper, it sounds sweet. She’d be close to her grandchildren, and we’d have more family time, but in reality, it’s not that simple.

When she visits, it feels like we’re hosting royalty. She doesn’t help with the kids, doesn’t cook, and doesn’t clean. She makes constant requests.

If my wife serves her a drink, she won’t even pour herself a second glass. She’ll call my wife from wherever she is and ask her to do it. Yes, it’s that bad, and it can get worse.

I’ve watched my wife during these visits. She’s exhausted. She’s already doing so much: taking care of the kids, running the household, and still showing up as a wife. If my mom moves in, it means my wife will be doing way too much, and I can’t do that to the woman I love.

Let me be clear: I love my mother, but I love my wife even more. She’s the reason I’m standing where I am today. When life got hard, when my dad lost his job and we struggled, my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, supported me emotionally, financially, and in every way imaginable. Because of her, I finished school, got a good job, and became the man I am today.

So I have to protect her; I have to shield her from burnout. Because my mom, as lovely as she is, can be overwhelming; her demands are like those of ten children combined.

That’s why I believe it’s better if she visits us occasionally instead of moving in. That way, she gets to spend time with her grandchildren, and my wife doesn’t have to bear the weight of her presence every single day.

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But how do I tell my mom that? How do I say, “You’re overbearing, and I can’t afford to have you live with us,” without hurting her feelings or sounding like the bad son?

It’s hard. I want her to feel loved and welcome. I want her to know she’s important to us, but I also have to be honest about what’s best for my family. And sometimes, protecting your home means setting boundaries even with the people you love most.

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