When I first met Abi, I was unemployed and broke. The only thing I had to offer her was my undying love. Abi took one look at me and said, “It doesn’t bother me that you are now trying to find your feet in life. All I need is your love.” While Abi took my love and gave me hers, her father was unhappy with our relationship. He had a list of eligible bachelors he wanted her to choose from.

It’s not as if I come from a poor home. My family is middle class. We are not filthy rich but we do what we can to live a comfortable life. If it wasn’t for my unemployment, I wouldn’t have been broke. I tried to explain to Abi’s father that I loved his daughter. “When my finances improve, I will do well to take care of her,” I assured him.

The man had already made up his mind that I was not good enough for his daughter. So no matter how hard we tried for him to accept me, he refused to be moved. He tried to set Abi up with the rich men he considered worthy suitors. Had it not been for the fact that Abi chose me over and over again, he would have succeeded in tearing us apart.

About five years ago, my financial struggles came to an end when I got a good job that paid good money. I don’t know how to explain this for it to make sense, but as soon as I got the job, Abi no longer appealed to me. I would look at her and it would feel like I am looking at a fellow man. Nothing about her moved me anymore. I tried to work on my feelings but it was impossible. By then too, we had a daughter together so walking away from her was not an option.

When I got posted to my current station, I fell in love with another woman named Suzzy. What I felt for her was so strong that I proposed to her. I didn’t tell her about about Abi and our child. So Suzzy accepted my proposal, thinking she was the only woman in my life.

Along the line, Suzzy got pregnant and delivered a beautiful baby boy for me. She is the woman I want to marry. However, my family says the only way they would agree to our marriage is if I marry Abi first. They tell me, “She was here before your new woman came into the picture. When you had nothing, she stood by you. And she is the mother of your first child. So we will not allow you to marry anyone else if you don’t marry her first.”

Abi understands the situation and she is willing to marry me even if it means I would marry Suzzy as a second wife. The problem is Suzzy. She doesn’t want to be a second wife. Her family doesn’t agree either. They don’t want to hear anything about the polygamous marriage. I don’t blame them because I never told Suzzy the truth from the beginning that I have a girlfriend and a baby.

Now, Suzzy is expecting me to marry only her. Abi is also patiently waiting for me to marry her. Moreover, Abi doesn’t expect me to disappoint her because of everything we have been through together. She has put all her hopes on me. This is someone who rejected rich men because of the love she has for me.

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Even if I tried to leave her, my family would disown me. They know where we began. They know that I was a nobody when she met me. They know that she has rejected many men just because she gave me all her heart. How do I tell them I am no longer interested in her? How do I explain that the love that used to burn bright in my heart has gone completely cold? I don’t even find her sexually attractive anymore. How do I tell anyone this?

For the sake of peace, I want to sacrifice my happiness and marry Abi. Maybe after marriage, I will feel the spark again. If it doesn’t happen too, I will find my happiness in Suzzy, that is if she agrees to this whole polygamy thing. I feel like I can’t make any move and come out the winner in this situation. And no matter what I do, someone is going to get hurt.

I am in a dilemma. I need someone to counsel me so I can at least make a favourable decision. How bad will it be if I let Abi go so I can marry Suzzy? I believe Abi deserves to be with a man who loves her. But will she understand if I explain to her that my heart no longer beats for her? Please, help me out of this mess.

—Essien

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