I am a mum. I had my daughter a year ago. My pregnancy journey didn’t start off on a happy note. It was all because of the man who impregnated me. We were happy and in love one moment, but the next moment, he was acting as if I was a stranger to him. He said he was not the one responsible for the pregnancy.

“You better terminate it, or go and find the father of your child.”

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I never cheated on him. Not once in the relationship did we have issues because I was entertaining other men. It was him and only him. He knew this but at the mention of responsibilities, he fled.

I was faced with the choice of getting rid of the pregnancy or carrying it to full term without a father for my child. I was too scared to choose the first choice, so I went with option 2. I kept the pregnancy regardless of the shame and stereotypes that people attach to a woman raising a child alone.

I was in college at the time but I had to drop out and embrace motherhood.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to do it all alone. I met David when I was four months along. I didn’t hide anything from him. I told him all about the pregnancy and the drama my baby daddy put me through.

“Your pregnancy doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I still want to be with you,” he said.

I found it hard to believe him but he proved to me that indeed, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. He accepted me and my unborn child without hesitation. He made sure I didn’t lack anything throughout the pregnancy. Physically, he was present. Emotionally, he was my support. Financially, he provided.

In my culture, when a woman gets pregnant, the child’s father takes full responsibility of all the expenses that the expectant mother would make. And David did all of that for me. He claimed my baby as his.

He did so much for me that I often looked at him and thought, “Is this guy real? He is too good to be true.”

After the way my baby daddy behaved, I was sure that I would never love any man again. But David changed everything for me. He became my safe space. My knight in shining armour. And now that our daughter is one year old, I can say I couldn’t have asked for a better father for my child.

The problem is, he is no longer a good partner for me. I wouldn’t have known this if I hadn’t received a call from a young girl who claimed she was his girlfriend.

When I confronted him, he denied it. The girl told me things that only someone who has been intimate with him would know. So his denial didn’t make sense to me.

I went into his phone looking for proof, and I must admit, I was not ready for what I saw. He is entertaining so many women. At first, he said the messages weren’t his. These were messages I found on his phone.

Later he changed his tune, “I was just talking to them. Nothing shows I have anything going on with any of these girls.”

He was right. There was no solid proof then but now I have evidence. The sad part is that these girls are teenagers. 18 year olds. The oldest ones are 19. Meanwhile, he is 33. I am ten years younger than him.

Based on what I read, he’s sleeping with a number of these girls. If a woman in his contact list is not his friend, he tries to start something with her.

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He’s asleep right now as I am going through his phone. I am overwhelmed with so many feelings: shock, pain, sadness, anger, betrayal, and the strongest of all, uncertainty.

He’s an amazing father. And I love him deeply—for his kindness, for all the ways he took care of me when I was at my lowest. He restored my sense of worth after everything I went through with my ex. How do I reconcile this version of him with the man who has been cheating on me all this while?

There are so many questions on my mind. For instance, how do I stay with someone who’s risking my health in a world full of STDs? Do I leave? If I do, won’t I come across as ungrateful? After all, he covered my shame when he claimed my child as his.

I also don’t know how to navigate the situation with our daughter if I leave. He is the only father she knows. Are we supposed to co-parent, or will his role as her father end when I walk away from the relationship? I am very confused about how to handle this whole situation.

—Lilian

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