We met on one of the social media platforms—Paa and I. It was my birthday and he wished me a happy birthday. We got talking. He later asked for my number and I gave it to him. The conversation got intensified. I had a boyfriend then. He also had someone he was dating so our relationship was platonic. I enjoyed talking to him. We later found out that we had a lot in common; we shared the same birth month—his birthday was 3 days before mine except that he was six years older than me. Again, we attended secondary schools in the same region. Our schools were each other’s “alaya”. We even read the same course at the university. All these things came together to create a very different vibe anytime we were together.

The closer we got, the more I trusted him. I started confiding in him. When I face challenges in my relationship, he was the one I shared it with. My boyfriend at the time had a very bad relationship with money. You can call him ‘the still guy‘ because he’s the kind of guy who always said, “I still don’t have money.” “I’m still broke” “I’m still hustling.”

He had a well-paying job but his salary was never enough for him. He will often ask me for money, even though he earned about 3 or 4 times more than I did. When I’m not able to give him the cash he requested for, he would call me names and call me an unsupportive partner. We often quarreled about it and when we did, I told Paa about it. One day, Paa told me, “Your boyfriend doesn’t deserve you. If I wasn’t taken, I would have snatched you from him.” It was just a passing statement he made but it etched an impression on my mind.

He was dating an amazing woman. They even had a daughter together. I knew about their plans to get married because he told me when we talked.  Because of the impression the statement made on me, I started withdrawing from him. I didn’t want to end up getting attached to him. Attachment of such nature ends up in pain. I don’t want to be in pain because of another woman’s boyfriend so I decided to walk away slowly from the scene of our friendship. I gave all my attention to the relationship I was building with my boyfriend. It wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted but it was all I had. I could only give off my best and pray that he changes his ways.

My relationship with my boyfriend didn’t improve so later along the line we broke up. His stinginess and issues with money began to rob me the wrong way. The last straw that broke the back of the camel was when he asked me to contribute to our wedding. He had the money because the kind of salary he earned was enough to marry a woman. A lot of men earn less and still are able to marry the woman they love but my boyfriend needed my money before he could marry me. I said, “No, that won’t happen. If you’re ready to marry me, then make your money ready. I won’t contribute.”

If I listened to the voices around me, I would have left the relationship long before I actually did. Everyone in my life advised me to leave him but I stayed. I stayed because he understood me when I told him no sex before marriage. My people teased me that he was a nice-looking guy and “fine boy no dey pay” that’s why he wasn’t ready to pay.  Some also said, “He wants sex and you’re not giving him so he’s also spending his money on girls who actually gave him what he needed. Those people could be right. They could also be wrong. But that didn’t bother me. I wasn’t interested in spending his money. I just didn’t want him spending mine. That was all. I left the relationship and stayed single. I was better off than staying with a man who won’t spend on me but would rather take my money. Leaving him meant going back to being single but I was better off that way.

Before I finally broke up with my boyfriend early this year, Paa had already sent me his wedding invitation. I had the invitation late last year and was waiting for the D-day. Unfortunately, I couldn’t attend the wedding due to the distance. On the day of the wedding, he sent me a message in the evening around 5:00pm telling me about my team’s performance in a football match. It was an invitation from him for us to discuss football but my attention was on his wedding so I congratulated him on his marriage. “Congratulations Paa. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it. How did it go?”

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He said “Too bad you didn’t show up. I would have shocked everyone present by kissing you instead.” Another statement that succeeded in etching a fresh impression on me. But this time it was deeper than the first. It got me thinking, “It’s only 5pm. How could a wedding end so soon for the groom to be able to watch a football match?” I asked him, “Is the wedding over?” He answered, “I am done with everything. I am at my place at the moment.” His answer didn’t sit well with me. It rather raised suspicions in my head. I asked a lot of questions about the wedding but he didn’t tell me much. He concluded, “I just got married. Everything is over.”

Right after our conversation on his wedding day, Paa asked me to date him.

A piece of me wants things to end that way. My heart is already in it but there are questions to ask. I have other guys in my DM trying to get my attention but my heart is set on Paa. I’ve been asking questions about his marriage but he wouldn’t open up. The only answer he gives me is “Give me a chance to be your boyfriend and I will marry you in two years.”

I am catching feelings for him and I don’t really know what to do. I have spoken to people and they have asked me to be certain about his marital status and how he plans on marrying me if he is already married. I’ve asked him that severally but he won’t tell me anything apart from what he said in a paragraph ago.  I don’t even know a lot about him. Apart from what he tells me about himself, there’s nothing more to know. My question is, should I move on with him or I should rather look elsewhere.

–Akyereba

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