In my culture, when a man impregnates a woman out of wedlock, he is expected to pay damages before he can officially claim the child. My baby daddy hasn’t done that yet. He’s always said I should give him time, and I’ve been patient.

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Eventually, we moved in together, and when our baby was born, we lived like a family. But because of my work schedule, I had to send our child to stay with his grandmother after my maternity leave ended. During the week, he stays with her, and I go to fetch him on my off days.

Unfortunately, my relationship with my baby daddy has come to an end. Despite that, we’ve managed to remain cordial. One thing I truly appreciate about him is that he has never neglected his responsibilities. He takes very good care of our son.

Recently, he asked me to get a passport for the boy. I have no problem with that. What I’m not comfortable with is his plan to travel alone with the baby. My son is only 1 year and 8 months old. Too young, in my opinion, to travel without someone from my side of the family.

They would be going to Lesotho, his home country. I’ve never been there before, and that makes me uneasy. His plan is for them to spend the Christmas holidays with his family, but according to our tradition, that’s not allowed yet. My son cannot visit his father’s family until the damages have been paid.

I tried explaining that even if my family decided to make an exception, one of my siblings would have to accompany the baby, not just because of tradition, but also because he’s still so young.

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Now, my baby daddy is acting like I’m being difficult or unreasonable. But honestly, I don’t think I am. I just feel that as the child’s mother, and as his maternal family, we have the right to know exactly where our child is going — the homestead, the people he’ll be with, and the environment he’ll be in.

Am I really being difficult for insisting on that? Or just being a careful, responsible mother?

—Mary

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