I was having a discussion with Fafa about my boyfriend one day and I told her, “James loves me and it’s obvious but I don’t like the way he goes about loving me. It’s so intense that it gets me scared sometimes.” She said, “You’ve dated him for only seven months and you’re already looking for a reason to dump him? What’s wrong when a man’s love for you is intense?” I said, “You don’t understand. He’s too jealous. He doesn’t want to see me talking to guys, even his own friends.” Fafa said, “He knows his friends. He knows they cannot be trusted, that’s why he’s protecting you from them.”

I wasn’t looking for a reason to leave him. I loved him so much and loved the way he cared about me but it got to a point where things didn’t make sense. He’ll come to Whatsapp and see me online. He’ll call immediately and ask “Who are you chatting with?” He’ll never accept any explanations until I send him screenshots of my conversations. If he calls and it’s a call waiting, no matter who I’m talking to, I have to drop the call and pick his call. When I pick his call, the first question would be, “Who were you talking to and why is she/he calling you at this time?”

One evening he called and I was talking to Fafa. I told him, “It’s Fafa I’m talking with and no one else.” He asked, “What were you two talking about?” I said, “One of our friends is having a wedding and we were talking about it.” He said, “Put Fafa on a conference call let me ask her.” I said, “Really?” He said, “If you want me to trust you, call Fafa.” I put Fafa on a conference call. He asked her, “Were you on the phone with Mavis when I called?” She said, “Yeah, she said you were calling so she would call me later.” He asked, “What were you two talking about?” Fafa repeated exactly what I said. He said, “I wanted to be sure that’s why I asked her to call you.”

Later when I was talking to Fafa, I said, “Have you seen what I was talking about?” She said, “He cares. Don’t hold it against him.” I said, “Fafa, you don’t understand. It gets suffocating sometimes. Do I have to explain myself to him all the time?” I can’t go on like that forever.” She said, “When you people marry, he’ll stop. Maybe he’s just scared someone will snatch you from him.”

I felt it was an issue of trust. All my life, I had never cheated on a boyfriend. I give it my all until it comes to an end. I’d rather walk away than stay and cheat. One day I asked him, “James, do you trust me?” He said, “Yes I do. Why do you ask?” I told him, “You don’t act like someone who trusts me. You question everything I do. You doubt my every move. You want an explanation for everything. Even when I’ve explained, you still want verification. This doesn’t look like trust to me.” He said, “I trust you but it doesn’t mean I should lose my guard. Trust has to be tested, verified before acceptance. I’ve been a victim of blind trust. I don’t want it to happen to me again.”

I got a hint of his problem that day. He was acting on experience. I probed, “Who hurt you?” he said, “Nobody hurt me. I’m only being careful.” I asked, “Have you been cheated on before?” He said, “More than twice. I trusted them. I thought they wouldn’t cheat but in the end, they ended up cheating on me.” 

I spoke to him extensively. I gave him instances. I assured him that I wouldn’t cheat. “I will only go in for another man when the two of us are no longer together. You can trust me on that.” His final words were, “If you have nothing to hide, you shouldn’t be worried. We will be fine.”

One afternoon I went to visit him and decided to pick Uber back home. When the Uber driver called that he has reached, he left the room with me to the roadside and walked me to the car. Immediately he saw the Uber driver’s face he said, “No I have to go with you. Wait let me go and lock my door.” I asked, “Why have you changed your mind? Are you going to my house with me?” He said, “Just wait for me.” We stood by the roadside for about ten minutes before he came back with his shirt hanging around his neck. “James, you want to get something from town?” He said, “Yeah, I forgot I had to buy something.”

He sat in the Uber until we got to my house and we both got down. He said, “I’m going back home. Be safe.” I said, “What was that for?” He answered, “Didn’t you see the Uber driver? Does he look like an ordinary driver? I wanted to be sure that you got home safely.” He saw the Uber driver and was threatened. He thought the driver will take my number or something. He had to come all the way home with me before he could breathe fine. 

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Something happened recently that I’ve decided to pull away. Getting a job had been very difficult after school. I must admit his role in my life since that period. He had come through for me on several occasions. He’ll give when I haven’t asked. He’ll buy what he thinks I need and present it to me without making it look like anything. I love him for that and I will always appreciate whatever he had done for me. I had a job offer two weeks ago. The company is into car importation and selling. They employed me to work in their showroom as a sales executive. He was the first person I ran to when my appointment letter came. The salary is good. It even comes with a commission when I exceed my target. I showed him my appointment letter and the first question he asked was, “So you’ll be talking to customers who walk in?” I said, “Among other things, yes.”

He said, “No you can’t take the offer. It’s not safe for you. We’ll look for another job.” I said, “What do you mean? You know how I’ve suffered to get this job. When are we going to get another job and what’s not safe about this job?” He said, “Men buy cars. They will worry you when they come around. I don’t want that. Don’t take the offer. There’s always going to be another opportunity.” I said, “This is the opportunity. I will take it. When a better offer comes, I will leave but for now,  this is all I have,”

When he couldn’t convince me against the job, he said, “Maybe you don’t like this relationship but that’s ok. Go ahead and meet them. Maybe that’s what you wanted to do all along.” 

I’m just tired. I can’t continue with this. He’s a fine gentleman who is allowing his jealousy to get better of him but I can’t allow him to go down with me. He came to my place telling me how much he loves me and how he will go every length to protect me. But should I kick against an opportunity like this all in the name of love? I can’t. And I’m ready to let him go if he can’t trust me. 

—Mavis

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