Only my sister and friend know what my boyfriend has done to me. I said no. He said yes. I struggled in his arms, but when a man is thinking with sex on his mind, it can feel like nothing can stop him.

Before he became my boyfriend, he was an acquaintance. Someone I knew and barely heard from. Maybe once or twice a month he would call me, or I would do the calling to check up on him, and that was it. One of those days, he started talking about marriage and said he had me in his mind. So, I should think about it. I had been single for close to three years and had done so much with myself in that span. I was loving it that way and intended to keep it like that for a while until sometime in the future. I shut it down.

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He came again. “It is because you do not know me. As you get to know me, you’d come out of the single hiatus and be my wife.” Then he proposed a challenge. “Speak to me every day for one month. Ask me mind-racking questions. Let’s get to know ourselves better.”

I found him to be a man too full of pride and vain, but I decided to give it a try. I knew, with the work I had done on myself, if it wasn’t good for me, I would retreat.

In the space of a month, I came to like him. He is a smart man, knows how to make one laugh. He was a great sight to behold. The problem was he had a lot of women flocking around him.

He is a very busy man, but in between those hours we found time to talk. It screamed effort for me. I then started liking him and was open to knowing him more after the challenge.

He was here in Ghana for a period of time. I went to see him a week later. We went out, walked the neighbourhood, ate together. When I was leaving, he paid for my fare and sent me home with shopping bags for me to give to the rest of the family.

Everything that concerned my work, he asked questions about it. My work, my day. I got introduced to his siblings and most people in his life.

On events he had to attend, I’d go with him. On a normal day, as an introvert, Saturdays and holidays were days I took to myself. But because of him, I dragged myself out there to be with him.

I took sex off the table. I was no virgin, but I had found my way back to God and didn’t want to return to that dark place. It was something he knew and even applauded me for. Every now and then, he would bring up the topic or test the waters, but I always found a way to steer the conversation elsewhere. With the tricks up my sleeve, I used them to avoid being intimate with him, and it was working until the last visit to his house.

I had been there a couple of times, twice, but nothing happened. This time it happened. He didn’t accept no. I said no. He said yes. Then carried me to the bed and forced himself on me.

Since then, I haven’t been the same. I called to get my closure for why he did what he did. He only kept repeating, “Sorry.” And said that it means, “We have fallen into sin together. It is better than one person falling into sin.” He even went on to say that it was because we kissed, so next time we shouldn’t kiss because it would lead to sex. But that is besides the point.

Right now, sometimes I think I have forgotten and live happily, then out of nowhere it hits me.

How does one recover from this?

I am a Christian and have already repented for having premarital sex and continually plead for God’s mercies. My close church friend advised that I open up to my father, but I cannot at least not now. My ex and my father work in the same industry, and sometimes he contacts my father for work-related issues. In my dad’s eyes, I am a “good girl,” so she asked that I speak to my pastor.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

But where am I going to start? What would I say? And would opening up heal me?

Anyone who has been through this, what should I do? And does one ever fully recover from this?

—Jessi

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