Our child was only eleven months old when our marriage collapsed. I’m not talking about divorce in its raw sense. Let me explain.

We got pregnant from our honeymoon and carried it home. The day I announced to my husband that I was pregnant, he took the news nonchalantly, like he had been told oranges grow on a tree. I repeated, “I said I’m pregnant.” He responded, “Yeah, what do you want me to do? We did what brings pregnancy, and pregnancy happened. What else?”

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I went through the pregnancy all alone and had no one to talk to even when it hurt and I was in so much physical pain. My husband slept next to me every day when I cried, but if I told him why I was crying, he would have made my tears worse, so I kept things to myself.

Our bedroom died the very day I announced the pregnancy. We didn’t hug or even hold hands when we ought to. We refused to touch each other when all I needed was a belly rub on a very hard day.

During the naming ceremony, we faked it as though we were the perfect couple. He named the child after his father, and his father gave us a seed amount to invest for the child. I didn’t see the end of that money.

When the child was eleven months old and was not walking, I was worried, but I had read that babies develop at different paces. While some walk very early, others take their time. My husband said, “Why can’t he walk? Are you sure he has my blood running through him?”

That was the last straw. We talked passionately about everything, and during that conversation, he told me he no longer wanted to be married to me. He wished he could turn back the hands of time, but unfortunately, he couldn’t. I told him I felt the same way and regretted the day I walked down the aisle with him.

It wasn’t out of anger. We spoke our individual truths so we would know how to manage the marriage going forward. I asked, “Divorce?” He answered, “I’m thinking of what next to do.”

We live together but are separated in spirit. Our child is now two years old and running around, but our marriage can’t run; it’s still crawling. We want to get divorced so badly, but we don’t know who should be the one to step out and initiate it. We are miserable. He walks with his shoulders down, the way unhappy men walk, but he doesn’t want to initiate the divorce, and I don’t want to be the one to do it either.

What Nobody Tells You About Divorce

I’m very good at pretending, even when it hurts, so to me, it’s all a game, though I’m unhappy. I learned from one of his friends that he’s working to get a transfer out of town, and he has been told the only place available is in the Northern Region. He said any place would do. His friend asked if I was the one asking him to get a transfer so both of us would leave Accra.

I smiled. Just maybe, he would get there and find the courage to say we should get a divorce and actually initiate it. I like his plan, and I hope it works out for his good and mine. We’ve been unhappy for so long; we both need a break.

—Vanessa

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