Blessing was my senior back in secondary school. He was two classes ahead of me. We never really spoke until he sent me a message on TikTok in August last year. By then I was healing from the end of my relationship with my first boyfriend. My name is Blessing too. So when my old schoolmate, Blessing reached out to me, I called him my namesake and opened up my life to him.

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We spoke every day. We didn’t talk about meeting because of the distance between us. While I had moved to Ghana for work, he lived in Nigeria where we grew up. He told me he was running a business where he sold clothes for both adults and children. “Oh that’s nice, I am happy for you,” I responded. “I also work as a beautician. I’m into makeup and nails.”

By the first week in September, we had become an official couple. The first time I gave him money was when he had to go for his university certificate. He kept saying he had graduated but he didn’t have his certificate because he owed money. One day I asked him, “How much is the money?”

He said, “30, 000 naira.” I gave it to him. You should hear him singing my praises. He couldn’t believe I parted with my money so easily. “No woman has ever done something like this for me before,” he went on and on.

All that mattered to me was that he would get the certificate. He didn’t. All he did was give excuses.

“They were still preparing it.”

“The person in charge has travelled.”

“There was an issue with the payment.”

These and many other excuses to justify why he had no certificate to show for his supposed university education.

The next thing he asked for was my help to travel abroad. I gave him money for visa application and other expenses he listed. At the end of the day, it didn’t work out. He said his visa was denied. Another money wasted.

My birthday came before his. All he gave me was a long paragraph talking about how amazing I am and how much he loves me. Here’s the thing, my father is well-to-do to do and my business is thriving. So I don’t enter relationships expecting material things from my partner. But I believe that at least on my birthday, my partner should get me a present, it doesn’t have to be anything grand or expensive. So I was disappointed when Blessing didn’t send me anything to celebrate me.

Regardless, I didn’t use it against him. I was ready to spoil him on his birthday. While I was making preparations his phone was spoiled. He asked me to give him money to add to his, to repair his phone. I remember telling him, “If I give you money for your phone I won’t be able to give you a birthday present. So you have to agree on which one you want.”

He got angry that I was talking to him anyhow because of the little money I would give him. He said it wasn’t my place to tell him what to do. And that if I want to give him money I should just give it to him.

Another time he got into trouble with the police. He sent me pictures of his arrest. Even bruises on his knees to show that he was beaten. “What kind of problems did you fall into?”

“I owe money.”

“How much is the money?”

This time around it was 300,000 naira, around 3,000 cedis. I didn’t have that amount to spare. I had been saving money to reinvest in my shop. He knew this but when I reminded him of it, he got upset and said I was disrespecting him because he needed my money.

Later, he said the money he owed was for his rent, 100,000 naira. I had to borrow money from a friend for him.

The last straw that broke the camel’s back was when he said he was doing drugs again because of all the ways I disrespected him whenever he asked me for money. It wasn’t true but he insisted I give him money to go to therapy. It was the only way he could get sober.

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After giving him the money, I ended the relationship. “I don’t want you to do drugs again because of me. So go your way for the sake of your own peace.”

He refused to let me go. That’s what he does. Every time he complained about my “disrespect” and I asked that we break up, he would say no. This time around, I had to block him on TikTok as well as his number to be free of him.

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Recently, he sent me a message on my business account. When my current partner saw it, he said Blessing had been using me all along was probably looking for a chance to keep doing that. That was when it all clicked.

I sat down and calculated every amount I spent on him. It was not less than 800,000 naira. That’s how deeply this guy has drained me. I am pained that he took advantage of my kindness. My partner says I should let it go but I am too angry to do that. Please, I am looking for a way to make Blessing pay for all the deceptive ways he spent my money.

—Blessing

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