For almost two years, I stayed out of love’s way. All I wanted to do was concentrate on building myself. So instead of meeting people and talking to them, I invested my time in watching movies and reading books. I am also a food lover so I ate whatever I wanted at any point in time. It was a peaceful and nice life. I was happy with the way things were, but my friend, Kay, was not. She tried to set me up with a guy once but it backfired. The guy had an attitude I didn’t like, so I shut the whole thing down and went back to concentrating on myself.

A month after that guy she called me, “Hey girl, I found another man for you.” I laughed at the way she said it. It sounded as if I paid her to find men for me. “Where do you even get these men from?” I asked her. “Well, you don’t go out,  so I have volunteered myself as your eyes on the streets,” she intoned. That’s Kay for you. She is a good friend. We met at the university, and now we have become sisters. She knows about all my failed relationships. She held my hand through it all. After my ex cheated on me I told her I am tired. “I can’t do this love thing anymore, girl. My heart will not allow it.” She gave me her ears and her comfort. But she refused to allow me to give up on love.

One thing she always said is, “There is someone for everyone. You will meet your Mr. Right soon.” I insisted I was going on a sabbatical. No more relationships for a long time. However, my girl won in the end. She insisted I get to know the new man she found for me. He was transferred from another town to work as the manager of the town she works in. “So you want me to date your boss?” I teased her. She spoke highly of him. She said we would be perfect for each other. Eventually, I agreed to talk to him and see where it goes.

The first time I met the guy was at Kay’s apartment. She invited us over for dinner and made the necessary introductions. We exchanged contacts that evening but we did not call or text each other for about two weeks. He was the one who sent the first message. After that, the conversation picked up. We easily moved from texts to voice calls. We talked about almost everything; childhood, family, school, hobbies, work, and anything else about life. He was a nice guy, so I liked him. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes. However, I was determined not to get too attached to him, lest I hurt myself if things don’t work out.

He saw through me. He didn’t know me too well but he could tell that I was withholding myself from him. He didn’t talk to me about it but he complained to Kay. “Madam loosen up a bit. Stop acting like a robot in the relationship. Allow yourself to be loved, you won’t die,” she advised. I didn’t mind her at first, but she kept at it until I decided to give the relationship my all. I must admit, it felt good when I started allowing myself to feel his love.

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Things were good until I found out that my boyfriend has a child. I had no idea about it when I agreed to date him. I felt deceived by the secrecy. When I asked him about it he admitted it, “Yes, I have a child. But would you have dated me if I had told you about her?” The fact that he took that decision for me without giving me a chance to choose for myself, was a huge red flag. But I convinced myself that he meant well. The old me would have left him but the new me did not. I gave him a clean slate, and we started over.

As time went on, I realized that his relationship with his baby mama was questionable. He kept telling me the only thing between them is their child, but it didn’t seem that way. The woman calls him even at midnight. It didn’t sit well with me so I decided to go into his phone and read their messages. They say, “Once bitten, twice shy.” So I wanted to know if I was being played for a fool by yet another man.

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My search through his phone was the beginning of my headaches. I wanted to make a single discovery about the mother of his child, but I found out that he was seeing five other women besides me. They were all in different locations. It appears he has a woman in every town he has worked in. He tells all of us the same lies. If I were with him on a weekend, he would tell the others that he went to visit his mother. So it means every time he told me he was with his mum or on a business trip, he was with one of the other women. He plays his cards so well to ensure none of us will meet at any point. I admire his bravery.

He goes the extra length to block me anytime he wants to post his daughter’s pictures on his status. When I happen to forget any of my belongings at his apartment, he would ensure to hide them at places no one would think of. I have seen all these and it’s eating me up. I don’t know if I should give him a chance to change or just leave. I have come to fall in love with him, so it is difficult to walk away. I am in a dilemma. Please, I need help.

—Emmy

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