I’ve been with my man for six years now, and we have two kids together. He’s been a wonderful man all these years. The plan is to get married early next year. Everything is almost ready for the ceremony. I was excited about it but lately I am beginning to feel apprehensive. My fiancé makes utterances that have me thinking about whether I should marry him.

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Recently, a neighbour had an argument with his wife over the money for cooking that day. The woman said the amount he gave her was too small and asked him to add a little more. “That’s all I have,” the man responded. Out of frustration, the woman said he shouldn’t complain about whatever food he’d return to meet at home the food because she would cook only what the money could cover. The issue escalated into an argument.

When my boyfriend heard about it he said, “This can never happen to me. If my wife ever does that, she’ll go straight to her father’s house.”

He has repeated similar comments several times. One time, when we were talking about cooking, he said, “If you didn’t know how to cook, do you think you’d still be here? Straight to your father’s house.” I wasn’t happy to hear that.

He also has a friend who often shares his marital problems with him. Instead of giving the man good counsel, his response to all his friend’s problems is, “As for me, I can’t stand that from a woman. She’ll go to her father’s house.”

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Every time he says things like that, I get worried. It’s making me think twice about this commitment. I know we’ve come so far but I would rather walk away now than be bound to him legally and end up miserable. I believe a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Am I being too hasty in thinking I should back away? I don’t want to marry a man whose solution to every problem is to send me back to my father’s house. There’s no security in that.

—Abena

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