I’m 22, and I’m writing this because I don’t know what else to do with what I’m feeling right now.

We would have been five months this month. He walked away towards the end of October, and honestly, I didn’t see it coming even though looking back now, all the signs were there screaming at me.

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Everything was fine. And then it wasn’t. The second week of June I remember noticing I wasn’t his WhatsApp wallpaper anymore. And the way he saved me changed. From “My love” to just “SiyaB.”

I asked him why. I actually asked him directly. And the way he answered, he sounded like he wasn’t even there. Like someone who’s mentally checked out or a toddler just learning words. He said “Nothing, baby,” and I knew he was lying, but I didn’t push it. I just let it go.

But you can’t unsee those things.

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The communication just started dropping. Every single day it got less. He wouldn’t do video calls anymore. Like he didn’t want me to see his face. I wasn’t stupid I knew what that meant. I knew there was someone else. I could feel it.

So I asked him to lead again like he used to. I was trying, you know? I was literally trying. And he wouldn’t. He just wouldn’t.

I was writing my last exam for semester four when he told me he wanted out. He said he wasn’t feeling me anymore. Just like that. And I fought for us. I actually fought. I tried everything I could think of to make him see that we were worth it.

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But my soul just got tired today. I’m tired. He hasn’t called since the week started and I haven’t either. My cousin spoke to a seer about all of this. And what came back there’s a girl using muti. She wants to disconnect us so that the future he was always talking about with me the one he promised me becomes hers instead.

And then the seer told my cousin something about me. Something my father did when I was little. Something that’s made me cold, made it hard for me to keep anyone. Most of my boyfriends don’t even last a month. But this one we made it five months. That was my longest ever.

And now I’m wondering if any of it was even real. If what he felt was even real or if it was all just muti. Magic. Someone else’s doing.

Do I tell him? Do I fight for us by telling him what’s happening? Or do I just walk away too and try to get myself healed from whatever was done to me, whatever’s broken inside me?

I’m confused. I’m really confused. And I’m tired of being confused.

—Becca

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