When I think about it, I am convinced he intentionally asked this question to stir up trouble in the relationship. And it appears he got what he was looking for. If not, why would he break up with me because of my answer? 

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Our relationship is fairly new, but I knew I liked him. Before I even agreed to be with him I had envisioned my future with him. I saw him as someone I could do the long haul with. So I was very much interested in doing everything I could to make the relationship thrive. Except, giving myself to him. I told him, “I want us to abstain from intimacy until marriage.”

He said he didn’t mind. Then out of nowhere, he asked me recently, “What’s your biggest regret since you started dating?” 

Innocently, I answered, “Getting intimate with someone I didn’t end up marrying.” 

“This means if something like that happens between us and we don’t get married, you will curse me,” he concluded.

It wasn’t true, but he didn’t even give me the chance to defend myself. He said we should break up to avoid that kind of problem in the future. When I objected, he told me he wasn’t ready to get married anytime soon. “I have eight more years before I will be ready for marriage. So if you can wait till then, that’s fine.” 

I let him understand that I didn’t mind waiting as long as there would be no sexual relations between us until marriage. That was when he revealed that he was never on board with the whole celibacy thing in the first place. 

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He said I might not be able to give him a child if we waited for eight whole years. So, from how I understand it, he was expecting us to do everything married couples do, including having kids before marriage. He knew I would never subscribe to that.  That’s why I believe he intentionally started this conversation for us to break up. 

Anyway, we did break up. How can you tell me to wait for eight years before we get married, and when I say I don’t mind, your response is that I may not be able to give you a child because of age? 

—Danielle

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