Two years after marriage, we were not having a child, even though we had done everything possible to conceive. I took herbal boosters, and my wife also did the same. We followed recommendations from friends and anyone who knew what could aid conception. Nothing worked. So after three years without a child, we finally agreed there could be a problem. We visited a specialist.

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I was clean as a whistle, but the problem came from my wife. There were issues with her fallopian tubes, and according to the specialist, that prevented the egg and sperm from meeting. However, he assured us that with constant medical care and certain lifestyle changes, she would be able to conceive.

Just around that time, pressure started coming from all angles—both from my family and from hers. I’m the only child of my parents, so they expected children right after marriage. My mother was the first to raise the issue. My dad was laid back, but after three years, he asked, “Are you guys not ready to have a child? Do it while you’re young, not when you’re going into retirement.”

He thought it was a personal choice for us to delay childbirth. My mother, right from the beginning, suspected something was wrong and wanted to know why. To take the pressure and accusation off my wife, I whispered to my mom that I was the problem. She said, “Wow, that’s unfortunate, but I hope your wife is not aware, or else she would start acting like she’s the man in the marriage.”

My mom told my dad, and there was a family meeting on this issue. My dad said he knew a man who could turn my situation around in a matter of days. My mom said, “Even if it’s spiritual, there’s a woman of God to help us fight, but please, don’t let your wife know about it.”

My dad took me to this person he said he knew. The man asked if I had seen a specialist and if the specialist had told me I wouldn’t have a baby. I nodded. He said, “That’s a lie. A man is always capable. I’ll make you have a baby in a few months.”

I went home with a bag full of herbs. I showed it to my wife. Her face changed. She said, “Very soon they’ll know it’s me, and I would be the one to go through all this. Please, God, intervene.”

I didn’t take the medicine, but I showed my wife where to see the herbal doctor my dad had taken me to so she could go and try if there would be some healing for her. She went and came back with a bag full. Trust me, these drugs are not cheap, but we were willing to work together to succeed.

Four years later—no child. We had done everything, followed directions to the letter, yet no baby. My wife was growing lean. She was affected in a way I never thought possible. I told her, “Forget what the world is saying. It’s you and I, and we will find a solution.”

Five years without a child, my wife has given up. She says she’s tired of taking medicine, and these days, just the smell of it makes her throw up. But guess what—my mom comes to visit very often, and she comes with different connections and prayers. My wife sees her, and her body refuses to function. She tells me, “Just imagine what your mom would do to me if she knew I was the problem.”

The presence of my mom scares her. My mom whispers a lot when she’s around, and every whisper, every stare from her scares my wife. So these days, when my mom is around, my wife leaves the house and goes to her parents’ place, staying there until my mom is gone.

I don’t like the way my mom is wasting her energy on me. I’ve told her to stop coming. I’ve told her the doctor says I will be alright and that I shouldn’t take any other medicine, but my mom still comes to check if I’m taking my “medicine” or following instructions.

My wife told me recently, “If by next year nothing happens, I will leave the marriage. We’ll divorce amicably so you can have rest, and I can also have time to get my body fixed. You deserve a child. You can get it from the next one.”

I can lose everything, but not my wife. She has been a pillar. She has been the help I needed right from when we were dating. I don’t think there’s another woman out there like her. I suggested IVF. I told her we should start saving toward it. When she heard the amount involved, she said, “Build a house with that money.”

The fact that the success of the process isn’t assured is what makes her anxious. Knowing my wife, she might never favor that option, but time is ticking for us. My parents are on my neck. If there were a way I could stop my mom from coming, I would have done it. If there were a way I could walk my wife out of this situation, I would have done it.

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We had been happy. Apart from a child, we have everything to make us happy. We are not rich, but we have what it takes to live a meaningful life. But come and look at our house, it’s like a funeral when we are together. We have to be very intentional about happiness before we can even see a smile between us.

We have a year. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve asked God to show Himself strong; otherwise, I might lose the one woman I’ve always dreamed of living with for the rest of my life.

—Evans  

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