Dear Mama,

Since you left, life hasn’t been the same. The pain of your loss has left a gaping hole in our hearts but we are doing our best to make you proud. I hope you are looking down on us, cheering us on. If indeed, you can see us here on earth, then I am sure you know everything that has been going on in your absence. Regardless, I still want to catch you up on all the changes your absence compelled us to undergo.

First, we were all moved from the expensive private school you enrolled us in to a public school. All four of us; I, your son, and your two stepdaughters. This is because the man you trusted to be a good father to us could not afford to pay our school fees.

Mama, your husband has never been the same ever since your untimely demise. He lost two of his drinking bars due to financial troubles. The remaining one we were all managing too, he gave it to his brother – the one who was living in Togo at the time you were here with us. He said he didn’t want his brother to return to Togo again so the bar would keep him occupied in Ghana. He gave him the land as well.

Before we knew it, Daddy started selling marijuana. I thought drug dealers were supposed to be wealthy. Well, our father was as poor as a church rat even though he was dealing. We were all wretched and starving. We had to beg for food before we could eat. Oh, it got worse. Daddy got arrested for dealing drugs.

Things were so bad that your father had to step in and take us under his care. I was so happy that my brother and I were finally free from that godforsaken man. I had a lot of anxieties about moving to a new town but I was hopeful that anywhere was better than living off the crumbs people swept off their tables.

Thankfully, your father’s wife is a lovely woman. She could never replace you in our hearts but she has her own special place there too. She took care of us the way a mother takes care of her children. Your father did his best too, but unfortunately, he lost his job shortly after we settled into his home.

Despite all our struggles, Grandpa made sure we never lacked our basic needs. He was a strict man, I am sure you experienced his measures of disciplining a child. We were very young so we didn’t understand that he only wanted the best for us. We misunderstood him. We thought he was maltreating us.

We were good kids. I studied hard but my brother was even more brilliant. He was always neat and properly dressed. He excelled academically too. All the teachers fell in love with him. I believe those were the moments you would have been so proud of him.

I believe I also did my best to make you proud. Mama, do you know your husband never came looking for us after Grandpa took us away from him? We only heard about his well-being from our half-sisters. They only sent us word whenever Daddy got arrested. It was always disheartening. It got to a point where the phrase, “Your sisters called,” filled me with so much panic. Because nothing good ever came out of their phone calls.

Why did you choose such a man to be our father? I don’t know what would have become of us if we weren’t rescued from him. I say this because of what became of our sisters. They both had babies out of wedlock. I don’t blame them. Maybe if their father provided for their needs, they wouldn’t need to depend on men for survival.

Mama, have you ran into your stepdaughter Eve yet? Is she in a better place now? Tell her I miss her. She was my favorite sister. It’s so sad how her life ended so tragically after she took to the streets and became a drunkard. This is what becomes of children when they lose their mum and their father abandons them. They fall into bad company. They start abusing alcohol and drugs. And sometimes they die before their life begins. Occasionally, salvation finds them and they get better.

My brother was one of the ones who got better. Yes, your brilliant son. He was so convinced that Grandpa was maltreating us that he found solace in a group of friends. Shortly after he joined those boys he started smoking. Every time I saw him, I thought of you and cried. I know that if you weren’t taken from us, none of your children would have gone astray. Not even Eve.  But without you, we were all lost.

Your son impregnated a girl when he completed JHS. Grandpa was so angry that he drove him out of his house. He had nowhere else to go but to Daddy’s place. He stayed home for two years before he was able to attend SHS as a day student. Life was hell for him. There was even a time when he told me, “Kee, I am trying to be here but I am tired. I want to go and rest. Maybe I will see Mama wherever she is. Dying can’t be worse than living so miserably.” Thank God, he didn’t hurt himself.

I also tried to be good for you. I made good grades in the BECE and gained admission to my first-choice school. However, Grandpa couldn’t afford the fees so I attended community day school. After SHS, I couldn’t continue my education immediately because there was no money.

I did the best thing for me. I got a job and started saving some money for school. Just as I was filled with hope and anticipation, Grandpa got sick. I had to quit my job and help take care of him. Mama, I tried but I couldn’t save him. He died. How many loved ones do I have to lose to this thing called death? I was shattered, stuck in a hell of my grief.

Had it not been for Bright, I would have been living a life devoid of colour and seasoning. I know I will always be your baby girl but I grew up, mama. I have a boyfriend now. Bright loves me so much that he wants to build a life with me. When I told him my story he said, “All hope is not lost. You can still go back to school. Have you considered these distant learning programs?” I took his advice and bought the forms. Guess what? I am now in my final year.

These past four years have been one battle after the other. Whenever your husband gets into trouble, I am the one among his children they call. I am so drained. What kind of father doesn’t care whether his children live or die? He only cares about what he can get from us. I hear he is homeless now. I am expected to take care of him but I can’t afford to do that and still support my education.

Even if I could afford to take care of another person other than myself, it would be your father’s wife. That woman is so kind that it saddens my heart that she is living a lonely life as a widow. I pray that I get a job as soon as I finish school so I can take care of her the way she took care of us.

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Now, let me circle back to us, your children. Bright told me you visited him in his dreams. I don’t know how that’s possible considering he has never met you. I want to believe it’s because you like him for me. I also like him for me. He is a good man. His family is also wonderful. They’ve become family to me. We are all just waiting for Bright to get money so he can marry me. I may not see you physically, but I believe when that day comes, you will be sitting in the front row smiling at us.

Mama, your son is getting better. He has gotten a job and he is very committed to it. He is no longer the teenage boy who almost lost his dreams and life to drugs. He is now a responsible young man. You should see him. You would be so proud of him. God knows I am proud of the man he is turning into.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

The path hasn’t been straight. And the journey certainly hasn’t been smooth. Nonetheless, the storm is calming down.
Your father’s dream was for me to go to university. I have done it and when I finally graduate, I will dedicate my certificate to you and him. I was a child when you left but I remember how amazing you were.

I want you to know that if we meet again in another life, I will choose you again to be my mother. Except this time, you will stay until you are all wrinkled and toothless. Also, you will give us a better father. Somehow, I hope you see this letter wherever you are. Know that I love you much and I miss you every day.

Yours forever,

—Keke

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