I was a new employee, new to the faces and the environment. He was one of the few people who told me that if I ever needed help, I shouldn’t hesitate to come to him. Anytime I had questions or needed something clarified, I went to him. He was a good friend.

But Fred had another side to him.

He was insecure. He kept trying to sabotage me at work because he assumed I wasn’t qualified for the job since I hadn’t studied a course related to it. What he didn’t know was that I had already worked in the same portfolio before joining the company. Every now and then, he would try to take assignments that had been given to me or make me feel bad for not understanding something immediately. Even with all that, we remained friends. It was just that his insecurity was always there.

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I started visiting his house in December. Somewhere between working hours and asking him to help me understand the deliverables, our friendship crossed a line. I will go to his home, we would cook together, eat from the same bowl, and talk for hours. Sometimes it was office gossip, other times it was about our personal lives. He told me how complicated his previous relationship had been.

He also told me the story of how his mother would know he had found the woman he wanted to marry. It was oddly sweet. According to him, he had told his mother that the woman whose clothes he would bring for her to sew was the woman he intended to marry. Before he proposed, he asked if I had any fabric to sew, so I gave him three pieces. Shortly afterward, he officially asked me out.

In December, I introduced him to my parents. The relationship was still new, but I did it anyway. He travelled home with me carrying drinks and told my father, “God willing, I will come here again soon with my family.”

The following month, it was my turn to meet his mother, sisters, and grandmother in Krobo. Before the visit, we talked about tribe and acceptance. I had come to understand that some families take those things seriously, whether I like it or not, so I asked him. He assured me there was no problem. I was especially welcomed by his grandmother. She advised me about many things and ended most of the conversation with the words, “Take him just like that,” and continued from somewhere.

Because marriage had always been the end goal for both of us, we started putting plans in place and saving towards it. I saved religiously, but he always had something else to spend his money on. We earned the same salary. I had many responsibilities, yet I managed to budget for everything and still set money aside for my dream wedding.

Some months, I was the one who had to save him from drowning. If he was short on transport money, I sent him some. When he ran out of groceries, I sent money for that too. His family’s problems slowly became mine. Anytime they needed help, I stepped in. I even paid for him to get his driver’s licence.

Months into the relationship, I met one of his friends. The way he introduced me affected my confidence more than I expected. His friend described me as “not the wow kind of girl.”

I complained about it, but he brushed it off as one of those things boys say among themselves.

Then, out of nowhere, his family started having problems with me over something very small. What began as misunderstandings turned into insults. One of his uncles even called me and brought up my health issues. He mentioned that I had undergone surgery for uterine fibroids.

No one outside my family was supposed to know that.

It was his mother who knew, which meant he had told her. I couldn’t understand how conversations between them had reached the point where he felt comfortable sharing something that private. I really liked his family. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have paid to renew his mother’s rent when she was on the verge of being evicted.

But this crossed a line.

Then I found out his mother never liked me in the first place. All that time, she had been smiling with me, accepting money from me, and making me feel welcome, she didn’t want me for her son. She said she didn’t want her grandchildren to come from my tribe.

I visited them often. I called them at least once every week. If they needed money, I sent it. No one had ever expressed concerns about my tribe. If that was the issue, why allow me to become emotionally invested? Why involve both families?

Why did I only hear this after I had spent so much time, money, and love on the relationship?

Even before we started dating, he was always borrowing money from me and from other people. I did not understand it then, but I was able to convince myself that life was getting difficult for everyone and that things would get better as we both progressed in our careers.

I made things worse when I sent his sister a message telling her that whatever plans they had to separate us had finally succeeded. He came to collect his belongings from my place and also took the money he had saved with me towards our marriage. Everything, he took even his toothbrush and said barely a word to me.

Since no one at work knew we had been dating, I suggested that we keep things civil and continue behaving like good colleagues.

He didn’t. Instead, he went back to trying to sabotage me in front of our bosses. It became even harder because I was the only woman in the department.

One day, our company auctioned some cars. Many staff members, including me, applied. His name was selected. He got the car. It hurt me that he was the one who got to have something good happen to him. Even though I already owned a car, I still wanted that opportunity. Watching him receive something valuable so soon after our breakup made me question life and fairness for a while.

Then I heard that the car had been stolen from him at gunpoint.

By then, we were no longer seeing eachother  had already decided to completely distance myself because I didn’t want any more emotional attachment, confusion, or manipulation.

One of the hardest parts of everything was having to sit across from an ex every single day. We worked in the same department. Our desks faced each other. There was no way to avoid him. I was trying to heal while the person I was trying to heal from was right in front of me every day.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

A few months later, I resigned. It was the best decision I could have made for myself. Walking away gave me peace of mind, emotional relief, and the space I needed to rebuild my life. Instead of staying in an environment that reopened my wounds every single day, I chose myself. I started from scratch and began building my own business.

—Kate

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