Six years into our relationship, my boyfriend traveled abroad. When he broke the news to me, I was flooded with so many emotions I couldn’t decipher what to call them. But it was his dream, so I blessed it and supported him in every way I could.

Then, six months ago, I drove Addo to the airport for his flight abroad. While I was happy for the opportunity he had, I was saddened by the fact that I couldn’t see him whenever I pleased. I was worried about what would become of us.

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At the airport, he promised me “My parents will come to see yours by December. We’ll finalize things so that we get married.” I asked him if he meant it. He crossed his heart. He gave his word, and I held on to it tightly.

When he got there, he called. We talked all day that day and the days that followed. He started sending me some money. I have a job and had no need for his money, especially since he had just moved there, but he said it was no bother. After some time, I got comfortable and mocked the little voices in my head that said that was going to be the end of us.

He was happy. I was happy. I was smiling every day. Now, all I needed from him was marriage. I was scared to bring up the topic again since he had made the promise, but we never revisited it.

When I tried to talk about it, he said I was nagging too much. So one day, I told him, “I can’t put all my eggs in one basket. Do with that information what you want.” My intention was to rile him up and get him to fast-track our marriage process, but it did nothing except create a barrier whenever we talked about marriage.

We can talk about everything and anything, but mention marriage and he goes quiet or pretends the network is bad.

Addo is now telling me that I messed up his proposal plans. “I had everything planned, but what you said changed my mind.” What did I say? And then he refers me to the time I mentioned that I can’t put all my eggs in one basket.

I wasn’t even lying. I said what I said. Or am I wrong?

He’s coming down in March.“We’ll talk about it when I return, so let’s push the marriage topic aside. We’ll see the way forward when I come.”

Six years is a long time to know someone and do the right things. We are adults. He is 37 and I am 29 years old. We are both doing well in our fields, so if I may ask, what is the delay? After six years, if he has any intention of marrying me, this shouldn’t be his response. Besides, shouldn’t he be the one asking when he can meet my people?

Ask me, why don’t I just leave? But it’s not that easy. He makes it impossible for me to leave him. Throughout our years of dating, I have tried several times to leave him because even though I know he loves me by his actions, I don’t think he wants to marry me. And it breaks every inch of my heart that a man I have loved for so long is going to treat me like this.

I’m prepared for what may come. I fear it too. But I try to look at the bright side. Some men meet women and marry them within a month or two, while others find it hard to do so.

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman

So this is my question to the guys: Why do you hold on to someone you have no intention of marrying? What do you gain from wasting a woman’s time?

Hmm.

—Tabi

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