He said I disrespected him in public when I was innocently making payment for what I’d bought. It was the reason he insulted me and my parents. When I pushed him for answers, he blocked me. To me, that should be the end of the relationship because I won’t have a man who treats me like I’m his daughter.

Anytime I need something and I tell him, he tells me things are not well. He would give me the rundown of all the misfortunes he has faced since he was born just because I asked for help from him. When he needs something, he’ll come to me asking for a loan. He never pays back but you know—when you love someone and want to build a future with them, you don’t count their loans against them. When he wants more, he’ll mischievously pay half of what he owes and later come and ask for more.

I do things for him willingly because I understand his situation. That someday, like he always tells me, life will be better and he will take care of me.

I needed a new television so I saved money to buy one. I discussed it with him and he told me I should buy a smart TV because it’s what everyone is buying now. I didn’t know what smart TV was so when I got the money, I called him to go with me to buy the TV. In the car going home, he asked where the money was and I said it was in my bag. It was huge so I protected it with all my strength.

When we got there, he negotiated with them until they agreed on the price. When we got to the counter, I took the money from my bag and paid. From there his attitude towards me changed. He was unhappy about something but he didn’t tell me. In the car going home, I asked what the issue was but he didn’t mind me. He alighted midway and I didn’t see him again until I called later in the evening.

He screamed on the phone, “Why are you calling me after telling the whole world that I’m not a man enough? What do you want from me after embarrassing me in that shop?”

“Ah, what’s this guy talking about?”

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According to him, I should have given the money to him to pay for the TV so the whole world would know he was the one buying the TV for me. It’s an embarrassment for him to be there while I make my own payment. A man doesn’t stand idle while a woman makes payment so I should have given the money to him to make payment for me.

I asked, “But the money was for me? You knew I was saving to buy a TV and you did nothing about it. Aside from that, you didn’t ask me to give it to you to pay so what’s the point?” Can’t a woman use her own money to pay for what she buys again?”

He said, “Go and ask your father that question. Ask him if he allows your mother to make payment in his presence. If he allows it, then he’s probably not a man enough.”

I got angry. Because to me, this isn’t an issue he should bring my parents in. I told him, “Oh I get it now. So because your father borrows money from your mom and doesn’t pay back, that’s why you do it to me, right? Then you can’t blame me that much. You learned the wrong thing from your father just as I learned what I learned from my mother.”

We went to war and both of us left with bloodied faces. His ego wouldn’t allow him to see sense and I wasn’t ready for him to walk over me. After that conversation he blocked me. We’ve been together for two years. I buy everything I need with my own money while he takes from me and never pays back. Who needs who here? What baffles me the most is the reason for his anger and I want to know if it’s a normal thing out there.

That a woman shouldn’t pay in the presence of her man?

I’ve asked my friends about it. It’s equally new to them just as it’s new to me. Akos asked, “Ah, if he wants the world to know he paid for it, then he should go ahead and pay for it. Who’ll stop him? If it’s my money, then the world should also know that I’m not being sponsored by a man and that a woman can also pay for what she needs even though she has a man in her life. They can’t call us gold diggers and still stop us from paying for what we need.”

I don’t know but I still believe I did nothing wrong. That doesn’t mean I can’t learn a new thing. I’m ready to learn.

I Suspected She Was Cheating On Me But There Was No Way To Prove It

If he’s right about his demands and he went about it the right way, I’ll accept my mistake so I don’t take my bad character to my next relationship. It’s obvious, this one is over. He’s not coming back again and I’m not going to beg him to. When he unblocks me, I’ll block him. If he dares try anything funny, I will insult him again. I want to start afresh with a man who won’t borrow money and refuse to pay. I want to be better for the next one so tell me if I erred.

–Nuna

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