When I met Kofi, he was living with his parents. He was working and could afford a place of his own and be his own man but according to him, his parents, especially his mother kicked against his intention to move out of their house.
“They want me closer to them,” he told me.
I was also living with my parents. I was only waiting to get married so I can move out to live with my husband.
When things started looking like we were eventually going to get married, I suggested we got our own place but Kofi insisted we focused on the marriage and think about a place later.
We got married and for several months, both of us were living separately in our parents’ home. That didn’t sit well with me. My parents also started complaining. Kofi wasn’t in a rush to get us a place of our own so I took the lead. I told him, “If you are not ready to leave your parents’ house, that’s OK. I’m getting a new place and I’ll move there. Whenever you’re ready, come and live with me.”
Two months later, I found myself a decent accommodation— a two-bedroom self-contained, and I moved in. He was coming around every now and then. I wasn’t perturbed. I wasn’t complaining because I knew he would eventually settle with me.
He finally decided to move in but on the condition that his mom comes to live with us for a while. “For a while?” I asked. He answered, “Only for a while.”
He came in with his mother and that was when my problems started. I’m the wife but the mother wanted to do everything for her son. She would wake up early in the morning, knock on our door and ask her son what he would eat.
By the time we returned from work, my mother-in-law had already cooked and served. She would then go to our bedroom, sweep there and lay our bed.
On weekends, she would manually do Kofi’s laundry though we had a washing machine. She would then try to do the ironing for him too.
At first, I thought that was her way of teaching me how to take care of her son so I had no qualms with it until she overstayed her welcome. She was barely talking to me and mostly declined when I went over to help her do the chores.
I started complaining about her stay with us but Kofi barely did anything about it. She had lived with us for close to a year and there was still no sign of her leaving.
Then one dawn, at around 2am we heard a knock on our door. The knock was incessant. We both woke up looking puzzled. “Is that your mom?” Just before he could answer, the knock came again.
“Mom?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Is anything the matter?”
“Your windows are opened too wide and the fan is too high. You might wake up with a cold. Lower the fan and close the windows a little bit.”
I was stunned! I couldn’t understand it. “She stayed awake to monitor all these things?” I asked myself.
I couldn’t sleep again. My mind wandered to weird places until I couldn’t keep quiet. I told my husband, “Your mom has to leave us alone. She has a husband and you have a wife. Maybe she wants to help. That’s ok. I think it’s about time for her to leave us so we can continue the rest of the journey on our own. We are adults. We can handle what comes our way. She can leave us alone now.”
Kofi was quiet. He said nothing. Just some minutes later I heard him snoring. I stayed up all night, thinking. Scheming. Wishing she would go and leave us alone.
The next morning I took matters into my own hands.
I asked my In-law; “Kofi tells me you’ll be leaving by the end of the weekend. Kindly let me know when you’re ready. I have something for you.” She responded, “End of the weekend? Nooo, I’m not leaving anytime soon.” There’s nothing to do in the house. I will rather stay here for a while.” “That’s ok but we need to be alone. you’ve been with us since the beginning. I’ve learned a lot from you. Maybe you’re scared no one will take care of us when you’re gone. Don’t worry. We’ll manage. When we need you, we’ll call on you.”
She snapped! “Are you trying to push me out because you’re the one who rented this place? Are you the one who takes care of me? Am I eating your food? You don’t even know how to take care of a home. You should be thankful I’m here and helping out.”
I didn’t say a word. I was expecting Kofi to take it up from there but he didn’t. He only sat there scratching his head as if he was conjuring some answers. His mother continued, “If I leave here, I’m leaving with my son so you take your miserable house.”
I still didn’t say a word. I got ready and left for work. I couldn’t do any meaningful work all day. I was so angry I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I called Kofi in the afternoon. I asked him, “What are you doing about your mother’s interference in our lives? You don’t see anything wrong with it?” He said, “Don’t worry, Everything would be fine by the time you return from work.”
When I got home, his mother was gone. Her room was empty. I checked our room and most of his things too had been packed. He left with his mother. I couldn’t get it. I called his phone. I asked, “You went with her?” He said, “What do you expect me to do?” I asked him, “Now, that you’re gone with her, what happens to our marriage? We are supposed to stay together, remember?” He answered, “She’s my mom and I have to support her…” “Support her how? Isn’t that your father’s job?” I questioned.
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He blamed me for not understanding him. He blamed me for hating on his mom. He blamed me for his mom’s hypertension. He blamed me for everything that was wrong. He said, “I don’t know what to do now but I’ll think of something and tell you later.”
It’s been six months since he said that but nothing had happened. He still lives with his parents and I live here all alone but very soon things will change. A year from now, I’ll call for a divorce so his mom can keep him for good. I’ve seen men who are the sons of their mothers but never in my life have I seen a man like my husband who prefers to stick with his mother instead of his wife. If this continues, what future can we have as a couple? It’s better he gets married to his mom than stay in my life and wastes it.
-Patricia
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how can a mother in-law take the place of a wife? You are supposed to leave and cleave. do you understand those words? who will take care of her own husband for her? it is when parents divert their love for their spouses to their children that we see some of these things. your children will leave and have their own life, you will be left with your spouse alone so we must learn to allow our kids to go when the time comes.
You cant marry your child. Why didnt she warm his bed since she is the perfect woman for her son?
oooh she cant do that ryt? then she cant do anything else a wife has to do. this is absolutely wrong
This is pathetic. I don’t know why she’s waited this long before filing for a divorce. It’s better she gets it now. Marriage is for men not boys.