I was browsing through my phone when I received a messenger request from him. I accepted the request and checked out his profile. I realized I didn’t know him. Thankfully, he wasn’t one of those people who try to start a conversation with a complete stranger without introducing themselves. He introduced himself as a young man from the singles group I had recently joined on Facebook. He told me he would love to meet me sometime soon. Well, what’s the point of joining a single’s group if I am not going to meet and mingle with other singles? So I engaged him and gladly obliged to meet him.
I met him one evening at a bus stop we both agreed was convenient. That day, after doing all my rounds, I walked toward the location while we spoke on the phone. “I’m in a hot pink top and a pair of jeans trousers,” I told him. Then I found a place to stand while we spoke. It didn’t take long for me to see someone approaching me. “Kwesi?” I asked the person. “Yes, it’s me.” He responded.
I stretched out my hand to take his in a handshake but he hugged me instead. We spoke briefly about how the day went and he suggested we go see his place. It sounded scary but I took a chance and agreed to go with him. However, I was alert and ready to fight him kung-fu style, should he try anything funny.
While we were on our way he told me about his past, especially the woman he dated. They cohabitated for twelve good years. I asked him why he never legalized their union and he said he couldn’t gather enough money within that period to marry her. He sounded like a victim when he spoke about the way the woman left him over money problems. I didn’t feel bad for him. After all, he is the one who wasted her time for twelve years.
When we alighted from the bus, we bought Ga kenkey and fish to go and eat. That was a perfect thing because I certainly wasn’t going to cook on a first date. In fact, I was not brought up to cook in a man’s house till I’m his wife. I was brought up to invite a man over for lunch or dinner if he wanted to taste my food and pack him a basket if he wanted more to take home.
When we sat down to eat, it felt as though we were old pals. Not once did I feel uncomfortable and unsafe with him. We watched television when we were out of things to talk about. And when we were done eating, I followed him to his kitchen to wash my hands and do the dishes. I liked the fact that he rinsed the plates after I washed them. With that single gesture, I got the impression that he is not one to assign domestic chores to a specific gender.
I slept very late when I got home that night. I just couldn’t get Kwesi out of my mind. My thoughts had to do with the fact that he lived with a woman for twelve years. I wondered if he was completely over her. What if she resurfaces to interfere in our lives when we get married? Would he be able to resist her if she tried to seduce him? These were the questions that lived rent-free in my mind that night.
As the days went by, he called me regularly and showed a lot of care toward me. It felt good to be around someone who cared so deeply about me.
One evening, I was at home when he called. “Meet me at the bus stop in your area,” he said. He had gone for his cousin’s car and wanted to show me levels. I met him and deliberately sat in the back seat to talk to him. He was crazy enough to put on his hazard lights and join me in the back. “Kwesi, are you okay? What will you say if a policeman came here to ask what’s wrong, only to find you chatting in the back seat?” I asked in disbelief. He wrapped his right arm around me and said, “I will tell the policeman that I’m chopping love with my soon-to-be wife.” We both laughed and spoke for a while before he left.
The ease with which we connected gave me a positive feeling about us. I was ready to give him a chance. However, everything changed when he called me the next day. He told me he had a confession to make. I encouraged him to tell me whatever was bothering him. That was when he told me about his son. All I said was “Wow”. After that, we were both silent until one of us hung up.
I spent yet another night tossing and turning in my bed as I was consumed with thoughts of Kwesi. Why didn’t he tell me upfront that he has a son? I was in my twenties and felt I was too young to be a stepmother. So I made up my mind not to date him.
The next time we got in touch, I told him point blank that I would prefer it if we remained friends. “After twelve years with your ex, I’m sure all your strength and sperm are finished,” I teased him. “You are not serious,” he said amidst laughter. After the laughter died down, we agreed to be friends.
Later, I got to know through his actions that he was using our time together as friends to woo me. His previous woman had left him for a rich married man when he went broke. That’s why he liked me. I didn’t demand anything from him. Whenever he got some money, he would call me to meet him somewhere so he buys me food from a nice restaurant. I in turn would request a double set of cutlery so we share the food. I found it touching that he was willing to sit and watch me eat while he sipped a drink. And he was also touched that I shared the food with him. This made him love me even more.
Along the line, I gave him some pieces of advice about his finances. He took them and saw massive improvements. At this point, I was warming up to him again. I accepted that I would be a stepmother to his son. Despite my resolutions in the past, I was ready to be his again.
One night after many months of consistent communication, he called me and told me he was in distress. I didn’t know what his problem was but I encouraged him and prayed for him. Months later he told me, “After you prayed for me, my burdens felt lighter. This is why I am convinced that you are the woman for me.” I was happy to hear this because it meant our relationship was on the right track.
A day after this conversation he told me he had another confession. My birthday was coming up and we were making plans to spend it together so I thought his confession was related to the celebration. Only for Kwesi to hit me with the line, “I have another child, a daughter.” This time around I was enraged. I shouted at him, “Are you serious? And you hid her from me all this while? Do you realize that whenever you throw a surprise at me, you expect me to catch it and be mature about it? What else are you hiding? Will you announce your triplets after our wedding?”
In The End, I Had To Choose Between Three Men | Beads Media
He tried to calm me down but I kept ranting. Finally, I told him, “We are done, Kwesi. If you had mentioned everything earlier, I’m sure I would have handled it better. But you keep throwing these sopi-sopi (small small) bombs at me.” I hung up when I finished talking. My birthday passed without us spending it together. I didn’t care about my feelings for him anymore. I was just done with all the secrets.
After months, he got in touch and asked for my friendship. I obliged but I kept him at a distance. On my next birthday, he took me out to celebrate but things were not the same. Eventually, we drifted apart.
My experience with him was interesting but that was the last time I ever tried dating a total stranger. From that time on, my potential suitors have been people I knew from church or people I had good links to get all the needed information about them. Wherever he is, I hope he has found someone to settle down with. Lord knows I would have stayed with him if he had told me about his kids right from the moment we met.
#MyFirstRelationship
A.A.H
Have you ever thought he did it out of the fear of losing you .And eventually due to that fear it brought an end to your relationship.