Nii is not my sibling or any relative of mine, but I grew up thinking he was. He was always at our house, either helping my brothers with something or playing with them. Some days, he would be the one to help me with my chores, teach me my homework, and join my siblings in teasing me. If you ask me, I fell in love with him long before I understood that what I was feeling was actually love.
Then he went to the university. Whenever school was on vacation, he would come home to visit. He and my brother would spend time recounting their experiences and talking about different things, including his girlfriend. I would often eavesdrop on their conversations and feel a pang of jealousy in my stomach whenever they mentioned her.
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Seven years ago, he got married. I was there as a family friend. Although I wished them well and hoped their love would blossom and last for 50 years, things did not work out that way.
He started having problems in his marriage during the first year, but he stayed, hoping things would eventually get better. Well, things didn’t get better. They don’t have any children together to keep them tied to each other, so this year, he finally walked away. He said staying in the marriage was affecting his mental health and even his performance at work, and he couldn’t risk it any longer.
We’ve always been close. I am his little sister, and he is my elder brother, but two years ago, we became two peas in a pod. Something has definitely changed about our closeness. His wife knows me as family. In fact, my mum would often refer to me as his second-born child. But behind everyone’s back, we are lovers. We haven’t been intimate yet.
Now, we are at a crossroads. We don’t know whether to make our relationship known or wait until he has settled everything concerning his marriage.
He blames himself for making the wrong decisions and says he doesn’t want to keep me waiting. He feels I deserve to move on with my life. But if I get married to someone else, it means the end of whatever we have.
On days when I’m in town, we hang out, and nobody suspects anything because, to everyone, we are just siblings.
After all he’s been through, he talks about marriage as if it is a bad thing, as if it is no longer worth it. He would rather have a child and take responsibility for raising the child without getting married. But he also knows that if he chooses that path, it will mean the end of our relationship because that is not the path I want at all.
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And that’s our problem. I understand that he is trying to protect himself while also trying to satisfy me, but none of the options he is considering favours me. What is the right thing to do?
—DEDE
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